Post-postmodernity can be a frustrating and difficult era to explain, a time where vapidness and “real American values” somehow permeate through each other, where the Huffington Post and Fox News are both considered Bibles to some and propaganda machines to others, where Barack Obama (44th Pres of the US), Sheikh Mohammad (PM of the UAE, the sole authoritarian/leader of Dubai) and Lord “Lady” GaGa (Religious leader of Post-Irony, the Official Religion of GaGaism, chanter of “Bad Romance” and “Poker Face”) are the three most prominent figures of authority and the most probable architects of our futures.
But despite all the notable figures, all the potential metaphors, all the media circus acts, nothing symbolizes the state of the Postmodernity era today as perfectly as the Holiest holiday of them all, the one and only BLACK FRIDAY.
This is a holiday (and for most Americans, it truly is such) that has begun to overshadow Thanksgiving and take down everything that Christmas may mean to you, devout Christian museum-goer (miss giving N.D. shoutouts via L.A. Nouveau).
This is a revolutionary day in the Post-Postmodern for Irony’s Sake Era of the 2000’s. This is a holiday that actually gets people off their asses, off their Macbooks, off their sofas and out into the “real world”… Nothing gets Americans up and going like Black Friday does. It’s the one day where even Amazon.com’s most loyal internet shoppers take to the streets and the strip malls for the best deals around.
Black Friday has become a time for Americans to actually come in contact with each other again in a world where contact is “so 1990’s” thanks to Skype/Wii/Facebook/etc. But what is the reason and the motivation behind this contact? Ohh that’s right… blerg… and thus lies the horrifying hilarity and ultimate greatness of the holiday itself.
// Black Friday is The Holiday of the Postmodern Era. //
It is the day that unifies man and shopping cart in a brilliant symphony of light (via streetlamps in the parking lot and neon signs), sound (via screaming moms and yelling Wal-Mart workers), and touch (via people ramming shit into you, pushing you out of the way, potentially taking your life).
It is a day of the purest Joy a consumer can feel (screw Christmas morning). ”I’m about to get the deal of my lifetime, I’m about to score the greatest gift for the cheapest price before anyone else does, this is the greatest moment I’ve ever experienced.” This dramatic stimulation experienced here and only here is the Postmodern Condition.
It is a day of the greatest patience one can endure, the greatest anticipation one can feel, the wait may seem long but the light at the end of the tunnel is so close (the light, in this case, is the Target bullseye).
A day to weather the elements, to be a real tough rugged American, to be a pioneer, explorer, dreamer.
This is the most feasible opportunity for Americans to “prove themselves” in the public arena as worthy consumers of the greatest gift, the coolest gadget, the thing-that-my-nephew-must-have-this-year-or-else… this is the chance for consumers to “become individuals” as they and only they are handed that item by the friendly sales clerk while the chaotic mass of patrons behind them become a mere unworthy hoard of “non-chosen-ones”.
Black Friday allows Americans to prove their strength, to show that no terrorist can get in their way since they can single-handedly lug a 60 lb. TV set through a crowded big box retailer.
Black Friday gets people passionate, excited, motivated. It fires people up. Makes them want to do their best, succeed in their best, reach for the stars, and fight for what they love… Big Box retailers.
Black Friday is like an annual one-day long Barack Obama presidential campaign.
This is what its all about… the greatest conquest, the glory, the triumph of the American consumer…
…all so you can buy some bratty kid a new Tickle Me Elmo.
Culture is dead. We’re kind of doomed. Black Friday is too symbolic for me to handle right now, time for leftovers.
