Ever since the post-Freaky Friday post-Mean Girls era of Lindsay Lohan dawned upon us, we never thought we’d see the day where Lindsay finally cleaned up her act and morally redeemed herself.

But yet, through all the sluttiness and the cocaine, the DUI’s and the lesbian street fights, a new day seems to have finally arrived…

The glorious cheerful exalting day may have finally cometh!

Make way, make way, for Lindsay D. Lohan might just be ready to re-emerge as a new professional mature woman who finally understands what’s the right thing to do for her career, for her (lack of) fan base, and for her life.

How do we know?

Solely judging by the following:

Get ready…

Almost there…

We’re almost ready to present to you the beautifully composed,

finally free,

feminism-minded,

career-on-track,

new-and-improved

ready-for-success Lindsay Lohan….

And here it is:

Look at that grace, that poise.

She’s reinventing herself as a work of art, a modern marvel, une nouvelle femme.

Is that really a gun, you ask?  Yes, yes goddamit it is.  And don’t you forget it when you’re being distracted by her lacy bra and bad ass high heels.

Is that really blood on the wall, you further question?  Hell yes.  For nothing compliments sexy jet black hair and a dominatrix outfit quite as well as red blood dripping down from stark off-white walls.

Don’t you think you’re taking your sarcasm of the whole ‘Lindsay redeeming herself’ thing too far, you finally impose?  Absolutely not, we answer.

Because sarcasm or not, this his her role in society.  No matter how many times she goes to church or rescues children in India and then makes documentaries about it, no one will ever fully see it as morally redeeming because she’s such a notorious hot mess.

And thus, this may very well be her moral and career redemption… finally embracing what makes Lindsay Lindsay, what makes her famous, what makes her a commodity. And it is this Lindsay seen here that will probably re-build her fan base.  The Huffington Post seems to be on board (6 LiLo stories in the last week?  Wowzers), and maybe you soon will be too.

Until then, we leave you with this: