Artifacts of Modernity

HIPSTER UPRISING: AmApp's Williamsburg Store Under Siege!

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 00:53:00 -0400

That Shit’s too Hilarious for words presents the following true story…

On Friday, March 5th, the American Apparel in Williamsburg, Brooklyn was attacked by “hipster revolutionaries”, who lay siege to the clothing store with stones and smoke bombs.

Welcome to the world of Retail Terrorism.

Here’s a quote from an innocent bystander:

“The the American Apparrel in Williamsburg was vandalized last night in an act of hipster rebellion. Both front windows were broken and the vandals unloaded a bunch of crap from a nearby dumpster, threw it in the middle of the road, and set off fireworks and smoke bombs on it.”

NY publication The Village Voice has more:

Looks like someone out there still reads Adbusters! Williamsburg’s outpost of skeevy hipster skivvies store American Apparel (or as the bros call it: AmAppy) found itself under assault last night by an entire crew of guys who apparently weren’t booked for any globalization protests this week.

Yeah, apparently, a bunch of guys threw smoke bombs (smoke bombs?) at the American Apparel on North 6th Street in Williamsburg, and then smashed some windows with a bat, and starting fires and throwing rocks. Local blog Free Williamsburg quotes someone who knows someone who tends to a different merchant within the vicinity of the assault:

“That person’s report from the scene makes it sounds a heck of a lot scarier than just a few kids throwing rocks! Per his recollection, there were about 50 guys dressed all in black, wearing masks, and “causing total mayhem” all along No. 6th St, “dumping out trash dumpsters and setting everything on fire in the streets, and then smashing all the windows of the american apparel.”

Let the revolution begin.

Let the uprising begin.

Viva la Resistance, Viva la Anarchy!

Down with Commercially Successful Hipstewear, Down with Dov Charney, Down with the Circle Scarf!

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum is proud to present a...

Sun, 14 Mar 2010 09:00:00 -0400

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum is proud to present a very special tribute to a very special scholar by featuring this beloved video clip that pays homage to the most wonderful (and by wonderful, we mean horrifying (and by horrifying, we mean hilarious (and by hilarious, we mean that it’s literally destroying Middle America))) drug of the late 20th and 21st century: Meth.

With this video clip, we’d like to officially inaugurate an entirely new exhibit in the Museum that further explores the cultural enigma of crystal meth, its primary constituents, and why it may or may not be part of a balanced breakfast.

So to launch the new exhibit and simultaneously and more importantly pay loving memory to comedian, rising film star and real-life roommate Sandy “Scholar Rob” Roberts, the Museum brings you this installment of the silly web video series ‘Roommates’ (ba doot doooo, chaaa!).

~ In memory of Sandy Blake Roberts ~

Photo

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 18:00:00 -0500

Welcome to generally any undesirable location just east of Los...

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 13:07:38 -0500

Welcome to generally any undesirable location just east of Los Angeles, California / in or around Phoenix, Arizona.

What “neighborhood” and by that we mean culture-less amusement park of a “city” does this remind you most of?

(via robotindisguise)

The name of this drinking establishment is called Group Therapy....

Sat, 13 Mar 2010 02:13:32 -0500

The name of this drinking establishment is called Group Therapy. Let us deconstruct this:

This is very funny. This is funny because of its witty perceptiveness and “what can ya do”/”welp” honesty. This is funny as it illustrates the concept of relating alcoholic consumption in public to something that is ultimately a necessary, constructive and transformative group bonding experience. This is funny because its relatable.

This is very sad. This is sad because of its direct comparison of mental health professional treatment to “getting shwasted”. This is sad as it further propagates the notion that chugging beer with your buddies is a wholesome and therapeutic activity, similarly relating to the “I Love College” / “brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack” ideals of humanity. This is sad because its relatable.

(via juliasegal)

The video has premiered. I don’t know who exactly to blame...

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:48:48 -0500

The video has premiered.

I don’t know who exactly to blame for this bizarrely-thrilling-yet-hardly-seductive-but-potentially-mentally-damaging experience…

Do we blame Beyonce?

Do we blame Kill Bill?

Do we blame Tarantino?

Do we blame America’s legal system?

Do we blame diner culture?

Do we blame Ryan Seacrest RE: the way E! capitalized on this video-premiering process?

Mostly, I’m just focused on the prospect of making a sandwich.

All Hail the Lord… Let’s make a Sandwich.

Her sunglasses are made out of cigarettes, and we thus realize...

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:42:57 -0500

Her sunglasses are made out of cigarettes, and we thus realize that no matter what, all is right in the world.

P.S. The Museum is against spoiling surprises, so we will be waiting until the video goes back up on Vevo to post it. Thank you for your understanding and your continued patronage.

Art is Dead. Somewhere up in the high above heavens, a man named...

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:00:00 -0500

Art is Dead.

Somewhere up in the high above heavens, a man named Claude is trying to figure out whether to lightly chuckle or sob uncontrollably.

Sorry for everything that has happened in the last several years, Monet.

Art is Dead.

(via juliasegal)

I always wondered when this day would come... (Dakota's growing up)

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 04:09:00 -0500

The inevitable has finally happened.

Dakota Fanning is finally a hot mess of a slutty badass bitch (for film’s sake).

Yes, this is a trailer for her upcoming biopic film about the all-girl band titled “The Runaways”.

Yes, the above video is of Dakota singing The Runaways’ song ‘Cherry Bomb’/a music video for the song from the film.

Yes, this is Dakota and Kristen Stewart looking 70’s-grunge-meets-Uffie-bad ass while shooting the film (yes, they have a kiss scene).

Yes, she’s all grown up now. Yes, we’re kinda turned on. Yes, the Museum is going to go ahead and endorse seeing this film for the sole purpose of Dakota Fanning’s role as the young Cherie Currie.

Leave it to thedailywhat to deliver us more painful and evident...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:04:21 -0500

Leave it to thedailywhat to deliver us more painful and evident truth.

Read more about the Museum’s take on the iPad here: Artifacts of Modernity - iPad

I would agree. (via dognamedjesus)

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 07:00:00 -0500

I would agree.

(via dognamedjesus)

The Artifacts of Modernity Internet Museum presents its own...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:48:00 -0500

The Artifacts of Modernity Internet Museum presents its own “OMG Adorbz! of the Day”…

If only elementary school music class was always this indie chic.

P.S. We would also like to congratulate this video on its racial diversity and its embracing of other cultures via the French band Phoenix.

(via whatsername)

(Re-)Introducing a 2k's Cultural Favorite: Jihad Jane

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:37:07 -0500

America’s lowest ranked news source has more:

Washington (CNN) — A Pennsylvania woman has been indicted for conspiracy to provide material support to terrorists and kill a person in a foreign country, the Justice Department announced Tuesday.

Colleen LaRose, known as “Jihad Jane” and “Fatima LaRose,” has also been charged with making false statements to a government official and attempted identity theft…

LaRose and five unindicted co-conspirators recruited men on the Internet “to wage violent jihad in South Asia and Europe, and recruited women on the Internet who had passports and the ability to travel to and around Europe in support of violent jihad,” according to a Justice Department statement.

If convicted, LaRose faces a possible life prison sentence and a $1 million fine, the statement said.

The conspiracy began in June 2008, when LaRose posted a comment on YouTube under the username JihadJane saying she is “desperate to do something somehow to help” Muslims, according to the indictment unsealed Tuesday.

From December 2008 to October 2009, LaRose engaged in electronic communication with the five co-conspirators about their shared desires to wage jihad and become martyrs, according to the indictment…

According to a U.S. government official familiar with the case, LaRose was successful in recruiting some people to join the cause. She also was able to raise money, the official said, adding that she was in contact with committed jihadists in South Asia, Western Europe and Eastern Europe. The official declined to link her to any specific terrorist organizations.

La Rose, the indictment claims, stole a U.S. passport at one point in order to “facilitate an act of international terrorism.”

She received “a direct order to kill a citizen and resident of Sweden, and to do so in a way that would frighten ‘the whole Kufar [non-believer] world.’ “

“I will make this my goal till I achieve it or die trying,” LaRose said via electronic communication, according to the indictment.

LaRose, along with the co-conspirators, believed that “her appearance and American citizenship would help her blend in while carrying out her plans, calling it a possible “way to achieve what is in my heart,” according to the indictment.

The indictment alleges that LaRose even agreed to marry one of the co-conspirators to obtain residency status in a European country.

LaRose traveled to Europe in August and “tracked the intended target online in an effort to complete her task,” the statement said.

According to the indictment, LaRose told the co-conspirator who ordered the murder that she considers it an “honour & a great pleasure to die or kill for” the co-conspirator and pledged that “only death will stop me here that I am so close to the target.”

The killing did not occur, and LaRose was arrested about two weeks after the electronic message was sent.

While this may not stress anything uniquely apparent about Life...

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:11:03 -0500

While this may not stress anything uniquely apparent about Life in the 2k10’s or other post-post-modern such, the Museum would like to applaud this chart’s simplistic and awe-inspiring truth.

(via hewhocannotbenamed)

Mona Lisa + P Diddy = Hot new commodity

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:24:00 -0500

Mona Lisa + P Diddy = Hot new commodity:

Sometimes, hipsterrunoff says it better than our little start-up Museum ever could.

Carles, author of the acclaimed blog, has more:

In an effort to rebrand herself to fit in with the modern world + to fit in with tweens and minorities, the popular celebwhore “Mona Lisa” paid for the opportunity to chill with popular 1990s/2000s rapper Puff Daddy AKA Sean Combs AKA P Diddy AKA Bro Puffdy.

By embracing social media and schmoozing with pop culture icons + hip hop moguls, the Mona Lisa will be able to transition her brand into the modern memesphere. While she will always exist in textbooks because of her close ties with Leonardo DaVinci, creating an internet brand for herself will ultimately make her more valuable to investors like Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, Yelp, and Gawker.

In other news, the Louvre is currently confused on whether to be happy for this boost in commercial viability or horrified by this caustic breach on art and culture.

A Whole New Way to Keep Kids Safe... (FML)

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:46:00 -0500

Dear 2010, I hate it here. See below:

Condoms in ‘extra small’ for boys age 12 set for Britain’s shelves soon

(taken from The Daily Mail, UK)

Extra small condoms for boys as young as 12 could soon be on our shelves.

The Hotshot condoms are going on sale in Switzerland after research found that not enough 12 to 14-year-old boys were having protected sex.

The condoms are likely to end up on sale in Britain, said their manufacturer Lamprecht AG.

A standard condom has a diameter of 52mm in comparison with the Hotshot’s 45mm. Both are the same length – 190mm.

According to a study of 13 to 20-year-olds, a quarter said that a standard condom was too large.

Hilary Pannack, of teenage pregnancy charity Straight Talking Peer Education, said: ‘We know young people are having sex and if this is what it takes to protect them, we need to go along with it.’

—-

Always wanted to sexually explore a twelve year old/tween? Now you can do it as safely as possible!! Glad the industry is shifting in ways to keep kids more safe.

Now this kid doesn’t have to ask Mom and Dad to drive him to CVS to pick up some Plan B for his “lucky lady” the next morning:

Now these kids can safely mess around all they want, say Bye Bye to silly ol STD’s!

Look like its gonna be a fun and well-protected night ahead…

Take comfort in this: when all the world is frigid, your iPhone...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 15:57:22 -0500

Take comfort in this: when all the world is frigid, your iPhone will keep you warm.

Video clip classic in the making. (via mollysoda)

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:11:13 -0500

Video clip classic in the making.

(via mollysoda)

Nickelodeon and Kids Everywhere Declare Prez Obama & Wifey as "Cutest Couple"

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 23:57:00 -0500

In case Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards couldn’t get any sillier and more fun to make fun of, they just did: President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama have just been nominated for the “Cutest Couple Award” at the 2010 Kids Choice Awards.

The competition, however, is pretty intense. They’re pitted up against “Edward and Bella” from Twilight New Moon. And in case that wasn’t steep enough, they’re also running against “Jacob and Bella” from Twilight New Moon. And the fourth nominee? “Neytiri and Jake” from Avatar.

Can’t wait to see if Obama and Lady GaGa interact backstage or on the “orange carpet” as they await their possible orange blimps.

I wonder if Barack and Miley are on good terms or are sorta frenemies… hopefully she’ll keep her cool for the “big night”.

Move over Zaknessa, Barchelle is now in town. (Is that what we’re calling the Prez & wifey these days?)

P.S. If Barack and Michelle win, they better get slimed.

The above photo could be the Commander in Chief.

These children are robots. But seriously, what will become of...

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:47:45 -0500

These children are robots. But seriously, what will become of them as the years go by? Who will be the rebellious druggy? Who will have the coke addiction?

Never forget Jon and Kate.