Artifacts of Modernity

I would agree. (via dognamedjesus)

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 07:00:00 -0500

I would agree.

The Artifacts of Modernity Internet Museum presents its own...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 02:48:00 -0500

The Artifacts of Modernity Internet Museum presents its own “OMG Adorbz! of the Day”…

If only elementary school music class was always this indie chic.

P.S. We would also like to congratulate this video on its racial diversity and its embracing of other cultures via the French band Phoenix.

(via whatsername)

(Re-)Introducing a 2k's Cultural Favorite: Jihad Jane

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:37:07 -0500

America’s lowest ranked news source has more:

Washington (CNN) — A Pennsylvania woman has been indicted for conspiracy to provide material support to terrorists and kill a person in a foreign country, the Justice Department announced Tuesday.

Colleen LaRose, known as “Jihad Jane” and “Fatima LaRose,” has also been charged with making false statements to a government official and attempted identity theft…

LaRose and five unindicted co-conspirators recruited men on the Internet “to wage violent jihad in South Asia and Europe, and recruited women on the Internet who had passports and the ability to travel to and around Europe in support of violent jihad,” according to a Justice Department statement.

If convicted, LaRose faces a possible life prison sentence and a $1 million fine, the statement said.

The conspiracy began in June 2008, when LaRose posted a comment on YouTube under the username JihadJane saying she is “desperate to do something somehow to help” Muslims, according to the indictment unsealed Tuesday.

From December 2008 to October 2009, LaRose engaged in electronic communication with the five co-conspirators about their shared desires to wage jihad and become martyrs, according to the indictment…

According to a U.S. government official familiar with the case, LaRose was successful in recruiting some people to join the cause. She also was able to raise money, the official said, adding that she was in contact with committed jihadists in South Asia, Western Europe and Eastern Europe. The official declined to link her to any specific terrorist organizations.

La Rose, the indictment claims, stole a U.S. passport at one point in order to “facilitate an act of international terrorism.”

She received “a direct order to kill a citizen and resident of Sweden, and to do so in a way that would frighten ‘the whole Kufar [non-believer] world.’ “

“I will make this my goal till I achieve it or die trying,” LaRose said via electronic communication, according to the indictment.

LaRose, along with the co-conspirators, believed that “her appearance and American citizenship would help her blend in while carrying out her plans, calling it a possible “way to achieve what is in my heart,” according to the indictment.

The indictment alleges that LaRose even agreed to marry one of the co-conspirators to obtain residency status in a European country.

LaRose traveled to Europe in August and “tracked the intended target online in an effort to complete her task,” the statement said.

According to the indictment, LaRose told the co-conspirator who ordered the murder that she considers it an “honour & a great pleasure to die or kill for” the co-conspirator and pledged that “only death will stop me here that I am so close to the target.”

The killing did not occur, and LaRose was arrested about two weeks after the electronic message was sent.

While this may not stress anything uniquely apparent about Life...

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:11:03 -0500

While this may not stress anything uniquely apparent about Life in the 2k10’s or other post-post-modern such, the Museum would like to applaud this chart’s simplistic and awe-inspiring truth.

(via hewhocannotbenamed)

Mona Lisa + P Diddy = Hot new commodity

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 00:24:00 -0500

Mona Lisa + P Diddy = Hot new commodity:

Sometimes, hipsterrunoff says it better than our little start-up Museum ever could.

Carles, author of the acclaimed blog, has more:

In an effort to rebrand herself to fit in with the modern world + to fit in with tweens and minorities, the popular celebwhore “Mona Lisa” paid for the opportunity to chill with popular 1990s/2000s rapper Puff Daddy AKA Sean Combs AKA P Diddy AKA Bro Puffdy.

By embracing social media and schmoozing with pop culture icons + hip hop moguls, the Mona Lisa will be able to transition her brand into the modern memesphere. While she will always exist in textbooks because of her close ties with Leonardo DaVinci, creating an internet brand for herself will ultimately make her more valuable to investors like Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, Yelp, and Gawker.

In other news, the Louvre is currently confused on whether to be happy for this boost in commercial viability or horrified by this caustic breach on art and culture.

A Whole New Way to Keep Kids Safe... (FML)

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 23:46:00 -0500

Dear 2010, I hate it here. See below:

Condoms in ‘extra small’ for boys age 12 set for Britain’s shelves soon

(taken from The Daily Mail, UK)

Extra small condoms for boys as young as 12 could soon be on our shelves.

The Hotshot condoms are going on sale in Switzerland after research found that not enough 12 to 14-year-old boys were having protected sex.

The condoms are likely to end up on sale in Britain, said their manufacturer Lamprecht AG.

A standard condom has a diameter of 52mm in comparison with the Hotshot’s 45mm. Both are the same length – 190mm.

According to a study of 13 to 20-year-olds, a quarter said that a standard condom was too large.

Hilary Pannack, of teenage pregnancy charity Straight Talking Peer Education, said: ‘We know young people are having sex and if this is what it takes to protect them, we need to go along with it.’

—-

Always wanted to sexually explore a twelve year old/tween? Now you can do it as safely as possible!! Glad the industry is shifting in ways to keep kids more safe.

Now this kid doesn’t have to ask Mom and Dad to drive him to CVS to pick up some Plan B for his “lucky lady” the next morning:

Now these kids can safely mess around all they want, say Bye Bye to silly ol STD’s!

Look like its gonna be a fun and well-protected night ahead…

Take comfort in this: when all the world is frigid, your iPhone...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 15:57:22 -0500

Take comfort in this: when all the world is frigid, your iPhone will keep you warm.

Video clip classic in the making. (via mollysoda)

Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:11:13 -0500

Video clip classic in the making.

(via mollysoda)

Nickelodeon and Kids Everywhere Declare Prez Obama & Wifey as "Cutest Couple"

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 23:57:00 -0500

In case Nickelodeon’s Kids Choice Awards couldn’t get any sillier and more fun to make fun of, they just did: President Obama and first lady Michelle Obama have just been nominated for the “Cutest Couple Award” at the 2010 Kids Choice Awards.

The competition, however, is pretty intense. They’re pitted up against “Edward and Bella” from Twilight New Moon. And in case that wasn’t steep enough, they’re also running against “Jacob and Bella” from Twilight New Moon. And the fourth nominee? “Neytiri and Jake” from Avatar.

Can’t wait to see if Obama and Lady GaGa interact backstage or on the “orange carpet” as they await their possible orange blimps.

I wonder if Barack and Miley are on good terms or are sorta frenemies… hopefully she’ll keep her cool for the “big night”.

Move over Zaknessa, Barchelle is now in town. (Is that what we’re calling the Prez & wifey these days?)

P.S. If Barack and Michelle win, they better get slimed.

The above photo could be the Commander in Chief.

These children are robots. But seriously, what will become of...

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:47:45 -0500

These children are robots. But seriously, what will become of them as the years go by? Who will be the rebellious druggy? Who will have the coke addiction?

Never forget Jon and Kate.

It's dead.

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 16:45:42 -0500

Just accept it.

Embrace it.

Revel in its destroyed state.

Yes, my friends, Art is dead.

(via mollysoda)

It's Hard to Say Goodbye to a Friend (R.I.P. Hummer)

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:12:00 -0500

It’s hard to say goodbye when it’s to someone you loved so much, someone you cared so much for, someone who was so important to your life and your personal dickwad brand.

It’s hard to understand just how much pain and suffering this shall cause. It’s hard to describe this type of raw emotional loss… like the kind you had when Obama won or the kind you have every time you drive pass a wind power farm.

It’s hard to think of the future without your baby, your pride and joy, your Daddy’s little girl.

It’s hard to move on from something so nurturing, so wonderful… something that was so symbolic of everything you believed in.

It’s hard to sit there and watch as your one true love fades away into the distance, as a cruel horrible enemy crushes her into oblivion, as the evil of another triumphs over your innocent, your sweet, your former love.

Rest in peace, my love. We will never forget you.

“I will remember you (dooby dum dum dum), Will you remember me? (dooby dum dum dum), Don’t let your life pass you by…. weep not for the memories”

~~~~

R.I.P. Hummer ( 1992-2010 )

~~~~

(Educate your damn self, read the NY Times article here)

Sometimes, Facebook Ads seem to know you way too well. And...

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:44:59 -0500

Sometimes, Facebook Ads seem to know you way too well.

And sometimes, they give you a great opportunity to yell out a good ol’ “WTFFFF????” to the internetz.

"Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in..."

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:01:08 -0500

“Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals – as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions.”

- Ezekiel 23:19-20

Hope you enjoyed today’s “Biblical Verses are Porn” of the Day.

(via cynical-c)

What Your Doppelganger Says About You

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 19:01:30 -0500

Now that the most ~~wonderful~~ horrific time of the year is drawing to a close, the Museum invites you on a guided tour of dopplegangers so you know who you can continue to be friends with, who you need to ditch, and whether you are a douche (spoiler: if you put up a doppleganger then you are). No flash photography please, let’s get started.

The “too soon” doppleganger

The “I think I’m a more attractive blonde white girl than I actually am” doppleganger

The “I think I’m classy despite putting up a doppleganger” doppleganger

The “I think I’m funnier than I am” doppleganger

The “Sorry Mom” doppleganger

The “where do I belong” doppleganger

The “I’m a post-op male to female transexual” doppleganger

The “I’m a post-op female to male” doppleganger

The “I’m in denial” doppleganger

The “I’m divorced but looking for companionship on facebook” doppleganger

the “not only am I trying to get my life back, but I’m also topical” doppleganger

The “i was hot in the 80s, now have three kids and a drinking problem” doppleganger

The “i was killed and all I got was my funeral during the superbowl halftime show” doppleganger

The “Yeah, I did meth” doppleganger

oh dopplegangers, you’re so silly

Well it’s about time we see Fox News being a total...

Tue, 23 Feb 2010 00:41:14 -0500

Well it’s about time we see Fox News being a total douchebag to its own GOP party-followers. Take that, J.D. Hayworth! Love when Fox News uses the term “Congresswoman” to diss people / Love when Fox News reinforces that women are inferior.

John McCain must be laughing his ass off right now (as Hayworth has just announced that he plans on running against McCain in the Republican primary for his Arizona Senate seat). Unless McCain himself planned and/or paid for this to happen (wouldn’t put it past em).

P.S. Do yourself the favor of getting to know this Hayworth fella… he’s quite the prick/intolerant idiot himself. And knowing the American political system in the post-Palin world, he should have a name for himself quite soon.

Collision of Worlds?

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 23:47:09 -0500

I don’t think Paris Hilton herself could create a more sexual image than the one above.

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum is proud to present to...

Mon, 22 Feb 2010 17:55:00 -0500

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum is proud to present to you The Art of Sass, a new exhibit that hopes to bring clarity and understanding to the idea that personal attitudes can be an art form.

Also, this is just really reflective of the personal brand we try to illustrate.

“We just want to make things better.”

Thank you Sandra Bernhard.

(via americanartfag)

It’s been too long since the Museum has recognized the...

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:50:33 -0500

It’s been too long since the Museum has recognized the hilarious and out-of-control ridiculous news journalism efforts of The Trentonian.

Note: If the screen on your laptop ever turns black and reads “I can see you, Little Timmy!”, shut it off immediately and run away, far far away.

Also, if anyone has read Page 12, please let us know what they mean by the bottom tag line “Who gets Mommy’s head?”.

That Shit's Hilarious presents: CHATROULETTE (NSFW, not even a little)

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 18:40:00 -0500

Welcome to Chatroulette. We’ll let the NY Times provide you with some social commentary to get you started:

Nothing can really prepare you for the latest online phenomenon, Chatroulette.

The social Web site, created just three months ago by a 17-year-old Russian named Andrey Ternovskiy, drops you into an unnerving world where you are connected through webcams to a random, fathomless succession of strangers from across the globe. You see them, they see you. You talk to them, they talk to you. Or not. The site, which is gaining thousands of users a day and lately some news coverage, has a faddish feel, but those who study online vagaries see a glimpse into a surreal future, a turn in the direction of the Internet.

Before you rush off to your computer to try Chatroulette, it is only fair to let you know what you’re getting into. Entering Chatroulette is akin to speed-dating tens of thousands of perfect strangers — some clothed, some not.

But Chatroulette opens up so many exciting opportunities for all of us! Let’s explore some of those now:

Welcome to Chat Roulette, a whole new way to “be anonymous” and mess with people on the internet.

Show off your special talents!

You’ll get to enjoy lots of new and exciting experiences.

Find people who you have lots in common with.

It’s a great way to randomly catch a familiar face.

Who knows, you might just get to flash your favorite tween stars??

Maybe you’ll find someone just as pathetically lonely and bored as you are!

Connect with people that you’ve only heard about but never knew were actually real.

You can make a person’s day, just by giving them a nice ol compliment.

There’s so much to learn about in the world, and what a better way to learn than seeing it for yourself, right on your own laptop?