USA Today brings us some fantastic cold-hard-truth news today that we’ve been waiting for a very short while to hear: the Silly Bandz fad is “donzo”, as the donners of these rubber-bands-for-your-wrist might gramatically incorrectly say.

While some might argue that the iPad or the Republican Tea Party was the biggest fad of 2010, USA Today informs us that it was in fact, Silly Bandz.  But like the iPad Mini and the Whig Party, the fashion trend’s days are basically over.

Here’s the scholarly news magazinewspaper with more:

Don’t tell Santa, but the national infatuation with Silly Bandz and other shaped, silicone bands that were America’s hottest fad in 2010, seems to have snapped.  (get it??  gr8 pun, guys!)

With Christmas days away, many retailers say they have cut way back on the number of bands they carry and some have stopped selling them altogether.

“Kids move on to the next fad,” says Jim Silver, editor of TimetoPlayMag.com, a website that reviews toys for consumers. “The bands were hot because you couldn’t get them. Now, the market has become saturated. “

No one knows how big that market is for the bands that sell for up to $4.95 for a 24-pack. But Silly Bandz sales, alone, hit the $200 million a year mark at their peak. Advertising Age named it one of America’s “Hottest Brands.” But retailers report sales have seriously softened. Many brands have become:

•Yesterday’s news. 7-Eleven has seen a 97% drop in bands sales since the peak in early May, spokeswoman Margaret Chabris says. Only 25% of 7-Elevens now sell them vs. 72% in May.

•Stocking stuffers. At a Learning Express store in Wilmington, N.C., owner Shelley Hobson has begun a “5 packs for $5” Christmas stocking-stuffer promo of the bands that once sold for $5 a pack.

•Twofers. After selling 4,000 packs of bands in May, Doodlehopper 4 Kids stores in Northern Virginia sold 250 last month — even though the chain was selling them 2-for-1. “I don’t want to see another Silly Bandz,” owner Terry Young says.

•Discontinued. After selling 5,000 packs in the second quarter, Auntie Penny, a store in Chappaqua, N.Y., expects to sell 100 in the fourth quarter, co-owner Eve Spence says. “Things have changed dramatically.”

•Minor sales items. Disney Consumer Products, which sold $25 million worth over the past year expects to sell “a few million” dollars worth over the next year, Vice President Stephen Teglas says.

•Fodder for other stuff. Bands “peaked” last summer at Toys R Us, spokesman Bob Friedland says. The chain is now pushing Rad Bandz, thicker silicone bands made by Silly Bandz with words on them like “Drama Queen.”

“Rad Bandz” you say?  That sounds original and marketable.  Oh wait, the LiveStrong meme is totally “donzo” too.  So, uh, no that’s not gonna work either.

Coming soon to the Artifacts of Modernity Clothing Line: the iPad Display Case Shirt.

Now you can officially be the Teletubby you’ve always dreamed of being… 

We look forward to the day when people start walking around the streets with ArtofMod.com prominently displayed on their chests. 

thedailywhat has more on this masterful fashion breakthrough:

Things That Are All Too Real of the Day: On first look, the iPad Style Shirt appears to be not a single lick more than a regular heavyweight cotton tee with a dinky vinyl-screened pocket on the front intended for the completely unnecessary practice of intrusively broadcasting the contents of your iPad to the world. But wait!:

• “2 hidden port holes on the inside for headphones or charger.” (i.e. holes).
• “Internal supports distribute weight of iPad across the body to prevent shirt distortion.” (LOLWUT.)
• “Full mobility whether you are sitting down or walking.” (This was not at all a given!)

All this and so much less for only $50. May God have mercy on our souls.

Will Bieber be let loose out on to the streets via operating a motor vehicle?  Some random uneducated celebrity news blog has more: 

Justin Bieber has visited a second DMV office in his attempts to get his first driver’s license.  According to Star Magazine, the 16-year-old singer was spotted on Friday afternoon, May 28., making an appearance at the government agency office in Norcross, Georgia. “He was with his mom and a huge bodyguard,” an eyewitness shared. 

This is not the first time Justin made a visit to a DMV office in his adopted home state of Georgia ever since he turned 16 in March. Back in April, the pop sensation was seen coming into a DMV office in Atlanta.  He was, at the time, spotted posing for a picture at the DMV photo booth. 

Did Biebs fail the test the first time?  Will tweens everywhere still love him even if he can’t pass a drivers test and/or doesn’t know what Germany is?

What kind of car do you think Justin Bieber will drive if / when he gets his license?  Will he go ‘all out’ in his Ferrari?  Or will he opt for more indie cred by driving a hybrid Aston Martin?

Have you ever seen anyone wearing plaid while driving a Ferrari?  Have you seen any other 15-year old (the above photo was taken pre his sweet-16) driving around Miami in a Ferrari since Lil Bow Wow/Lil Romeo?

Poll: do you like Justin Bieber? (click 2 win a free iPad)

The Museum is a proud supporter of these fairly compact paper products that have been around for a lot of years that contain lots of words that you can read… they’re called books or something.

And you can find them at your local, uhhh, iBookstore.  No thats not it, ummm, oh! library!  That’s it, your local library.  We’re not sure if your local community still has that, and by local community, we mean where you live, like in a house, not like your local Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Xanga community.

But seriously kids, reading books is cool!

Missy knows all too well… (does she though?)

I guess what we’re getting at here is:  Does this kind of in-your-face pro-library anti-Apple ‘cool posters’ marketing make you want to go read books?  Or does it just turn you off even more to a dying pre-2k10’s trend.

Are you down to “catch the reading bug”?  Or does this make you feel like you’re gonna get influenza / some creepy venereal disease / sexually transmitted infection if you go to the library in the hot summer months?

Does this HOT DAMN FIRE BLAZIN get your attention and make you wanna bury into a good book at the library?  Or are you, like we, just kind of scared and confused and frantically pacing around to find the nearest fire extinguisher?

Are you frantically running out your front door and into the car to get to your library ASAP so you can ‘get some’ in the middle of some bookstacks while simultaneously showering (?) with someone fairly attractive?  aka, Are you turned on right now?

Also, upon careful review, the Museum has come to the dynamic conclusion that these are, in fact, two people of what we believe to be the same gender.  And thus, is this a specific ploy to get the GLBTQWTF-community more excited about libraries?  Is this alienating the heterosexual book-lover population?  So many questions, so few answers.

Do you find yourself wanting to go to your local library more or less after seeing these anti-Kindle propaganda posters…

P.S. Bonus anti-iPad propaganda below:

(via fartdstfatrtsfarts)

Remember paper? What a joke, right?

Remember sitting at home on the couch/ottoman/old leather bucket seat, relaxing with a martini and a good book?  What a flashback.

Remember books?

Remember those relatively thick things that had covers and then pages and pages of words and written stories and text and stuff?  Remember how you would have to squint at the words sometimes because they were too small?  Remember Barnes and Noble?  Remember actually having to buy yourself the books you wanted to read by going to a bookstore?  Remember Shakespeare and Company?  What a retro useless commodity.

Remember bookshelves?

Remember having to store all those books somewhere?  Remember having to come home from IKEA with pieces to a shelving unit, and having to construct that shelving unit, and then having to put your books on it?  Remember libraries?  What on earth were we thinking?!!

Remember “get togethers”?

Remember when friends or family would come over and you would whip out that big binder filled with all the 3x5 photos from your most recent vacation?  Remember how they would actually have to be in your physical presence in order to see all your happy pictures?  Remember how they’d crowd up your living room while you worried about whether Aunt Martha was going to eat all the dip before anyone else could have some?  Remember having to physically share things with people?  Remember having to verbally interact with others?  What a big old bother.

Remember newspapers?

Remember all those pages, all that folding and unfolding, all those little black letters and printed photos and ink, ohh, the ink??  Good riddance.

Remember play dates?

Remember when in order to have fun you actually had to “invite someone over” or get mom or dad to do it for you?  Remember when you had to physically move in order to play a game?  Remember “Red Rover Red Rover”?  What bullshit.

Remember DVD’s?

Remember when you actually had to buy or rent a DVD or, heaven forbid, a Video Cassette, in order to watch your favorite movies?  Remember having to “Insert” and “Eject” formatted objects that resembled CD’s or audio tapes on steroids into “Video/DVD Players”?  Remember Video/DVD storage racks and shelves?  Remember organizing a physical library of your movies, or of anything for that matter?  It’s all so ludicrous!

Remember Calendars and Date books?

Remember having to whip out that ugly calendar thing from your purse or backpack or briefcase to “write appointments down” so you would remember them?  Remember “penciling someone in”?  Remember adding extra squiggleys to your cursive when writing “Lunch with my boyfriend” in for your hypothetical Thursday afternoon?  Remember forgetting what date it was and needing to go find a calendar hung up somewhere?  That’s SO yesteryear.

Remember Address books and Rolodexes?

Remember when you had to remember your friends and family’s phone numbers, when you had to actually “write them down” and keep them in a “safe place” near the telephone?  Remember when the “S” pages would get filled up way faster than all the other pages because you knew too many Silverstein’s, Schwartz’s, Shapiro’s?  (We’re assuming that you are Jewish / associate with lots of Jews).  Oy gevault!

Remember Art?

Remember when you had to have an easel or a piece of paper or parchment or something physical to actually draw or paint on?  Remember when you painted too much blue in one corner of the canvas and that meant that it would more or less be permanently there?  Remember getting paint and marker and crayon shavings all over your fingers and clothes?  Remember getting MESSY??  What ridiculousness, utter and complete ridiculousness!!

(FYI Apple has announced that you will be able to buy brushes separately for this iPad Paint application, but seriously)

Remember when everything in existence was not merely a virtual representation of itself?

Remember objects?  I’m starting to only remember the iPad.

Remember reality?  What a farce.