That Shit’s Hilarious / This Shit is REAL presents the following real life children’s book available at fine booksellers and retailers everywhere:

Yes, the title of this children’s picture book is “Guns: What You Should Know”.

Now since this is a children’s book, we would hope that the answer to this statement is “NOTHING… children should know nothing about guns”.

But how quickly we at the Museum forget that this isn’t a place of morals or ethics were talking about… this is America/Amurrika.
And thus, this book proudly serves as a child’s adorable introduction to the types of guns out there and how they’re used.  Welp.

See below for the first 4 pages of the book.  And if you like what you see, go ahead and buy the book over at Amazon.com, where one reviewer happily writes:

“I like the fact that this book is non-judgemental regarding guns. It states the facts of the situation clearly and succinctly. My eight year old son had no trouble reading it and understanding the content of the text. Use of words and examples is good. I appreciate the fact that guns were not referred to as weapons.”

Mom, I hate it here.

Text reads:
Most children play with toy guns or use their hands to pretend they are holding a gun.  In the summertime, maybe you cool off by shooting water guns with a friend.  Have you ever wondered about real guns?

Text reads:
Rifles and shotguns are two of the many kinds of guns.  These long guns are called shoulder arms because they are held up to the shoulder when firing.  
Pistols and revolvers are shorter than shoulder arms.  They are called handguns because they can be held and fired with one or both hands.

—

Coming soon for kids all over the country: “Post-9/11 American Democracy Wars: What You Should Know”, a fun picture book informing kids of all ages about the different ways America is spreading democracy every day and how they can someday get involved too via the Jeb Bush administration.

Which would you rather lose?  The right to bear arms or the right to vote?

Mull this over for a little while, will you?

‘I’m obsessed with the mess that’s America.’

Also, it cannot be unseen that neither Alaska nor Hawaii are down to lose anything.  Keep rockin’ your rights way on out there.

(via brooklynmutt)

For some of you, this past weekend may have been just another plain old ordinary slipped by the wayside nothing eventful happened weekend.

But in some parts of the world (and by some parts, we mean one very special part), thousands of people were having what VH1 would probably like to call “THE BEST WEEKEND EVER”…

So were you having the BEST WKND EVERRR this past crazy ass weekend???

Were you ‘sloshing it up’ for the big bike race??  Were you going all out in your Hoosier pride to show the rest of this damn nation what being a hot drunk American is all about??  Were YOU at LITTLE 500???

(The Museum would like to provide some context for the Museum-visitor who might be unfamiliar with Little 500: “The Little 500 (a.k.a. Little 5) is an annual bicycle race held at Bill Armstrong Stadium on the campus of Indiana University. It has been running since 1951 and is one of the most definitive events of Indiana University and Bloomington.”)

“I’ve attended Super Bowls, World Series and the Monaco Grand Prix, but the coolest event I ever attended was the Little 500.” — Lance Armstrong, Tour de France Champion (actual quote)

So, did you have the best weekend frickin ever???

Did you get super wastey with your bff and look adorbz the night b4 the big race??

Did you “pre-game” and day-drink before the bike race with all your amazing IU sorority sisters??  Did you and the girls decide on what cute frat bros to invite/include in the celebrating??

Did you decide to just “take it easy” with some Natty Light in the rain far away from the glamorous Greek Life in-crowd, but still celebrating in your own unique spirit??

(p.s. I SPY A POLAR POP)

Did you and all your crazy friends get to catch Snoop Dogg performing live in the SAMMY/ZBT parking lot??  Did you get totally crunk-faced to the ‘ill’ sounds of “Gin and Juice” and “Drop It Like It’s Hot”??

Did you and your besties make “interpretive wall art” to illustrate how much you love your university??  Did you incorporate themes of college pride, Little 5 loyalty, and alcohol consumption into one radiant piece of Artwork??  (Art is Dead.)

Did you see/did you hang out with THIS KID??

Did you go totally luau themed to escape the mediocrity of the cream and crimson while shooting hard alcohol into your friends’ mouths via phallic-meets-Cold War-looking devices??

Was your ‘BEST WKND EVER’ kinda dampened because your favorite President didn’t make it out to the big race this time??  Miss you, desperation of the campaign trail/midwestern swing states.  Did you secretly take shots with Secret Service dudes that year??

Did you get super cozy and close with your favorite athletic star / bicyclist champion of the weekend??  Did you comfort and congratulate him as he dripped sweat and rain on to your lovely and pride-filled face??

Did your Little 5 weekend end with a silly, unpredicted rendezvous that ‘shouldn’t have happened’ but you were ‘super wasted’ and/or ‘high as balls’ and thus didn’t have much control of your actions??  Were you so drunk that you don’t even remember this happening??  Do you recall any of your best weekend ever or is it all one blacked-out blur??  Were you at least happy that you were snuggling in what appears to be a fairly comfy piece of Bloomington-boastful merchandise??

Hoping you were one of the special chosen ones who had the BEST WEEKEND EVER. Until next year, Indiana…

P.S. For more on Mediocrity via Indiana, reconnect with this Museum flashback posting: Ready for the City Life: a Middle American 2010 Story (via Indianapolis)