Video clip classic in the making.

(via mollysoda)

Valentine’s Day: It was the perfect day to show off your new (literally) body.

Valentine’s Day: It was the perfect day to let him know how much you care.

Valentine’s Day: It was the perfect day to remember and realize that without consumption, we’re useless.

Hope your Valentine’s Day was as meaningful as Scholar Montag’s.

Only 364 more days until you can be forced by society to “feel love” again.

Blondes have become a staple in our modern culture.  From dumb blonde jokes to the classic blonde bombshell, America sure loves its blondes.  Let’s take a look at a bunch of different blondes…

Blondes come in all shapes and sizes, so many different types… via Heidi Montag.

Now for a skinnier bigger-breasted blonde… oh wait that’s Heidi again.

Here’s a different blonde doing some journaling or autographing… wait, what??  Scholar Montag again?

They look so different, yet they all have some definite similarities (because they’re all Heidi).

Here’s a spunky-haired blonde getting a little frisky with her hand… ooh la la.

Yet another blonde girl, with chubbier cheeks I suppose, but just another blonde nevertheless.

Here’s another really cute blonde… but if you look past those red lips, there’s something that seems to be troubling her (if only we knew then what we know about her now).

Oooh… here’s a fierce lookin’ blonde, a stone cold fox… I wonder why she’s not moving her face much.

Here we have the sun-kissed beachy-cute looking blonde… cuz blondes just wanna have fun.

Ah, we come to the plastic surgery-abusing blonde… but she seems to be an exception to the rest.

——

“It ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, but it ain’t so hard”

Heidi Montag - “Fashion”

Note: This song was written by (and performed a few times by) the Lord GaGa.

Additional note: While it sounded a little corny, it kinda made sense when the Lord sang it.  We realize that this doesn’t necessarily translate with Scholar Montag.

Furthermore: The Museum would like to apologize to any French-speaking person on earth, specifically those who reside in France, for Scholar Montag’s extremely butchered and false-sounding use of the language: “J’adore Vivienne, habillez-moi.  Gucci, Fendi, et Prada.”

“Don’t you wanna see these clothes on me?” - Umm, not really.

“It ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, but it ain’t so hard”

Glad to see that Heidi Montag is back under the knife again.  Sources say she apparently went under ten different operations in one day.  Maybe if she keeps getting plastic surgery, more people will respect her and appreciate her cultural impacts.  Maybe…

(via hipsterrunoff)

The Museum invites you to explore more artifacts of the great Scholar Montag-Pratt by clicking here: http://artifactsofmodernity.com/tagged/Heidi_Montag

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art? Phallic symbol?

Performance art? Minstrel show?

Performance art?

…..then I saw this.

2010’s gonna be great fucking horrorshow. MJ got out while he still could. I’m next…. my suicide note will read “This is it.”

I want my funeral during half time at the superbowl.

The following is truly an artifact of modernity… Heidi Montag (from MTV’s The Hills, from magazines you never read, from that place in culture you never want to venture to) ‘s new single.  It’s called “Superficial”.  Not like she is or anything.

So many favorite lines… (enjoy the lyrics in the post below)

Ultimately, I leave you with her two greatest mantras:
“I wear diamonds for breakfast”
and
“It ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, it ain’t that easy, but it ain’t so hard.”

Rest in peace, mainstream culture.  Viva forever Speidi.

Listen above, scorn below.

Lyrics to Heidi Montag’s “Superficial” - (song posted above)

They say Im superficial
Some call me a bitch
They just mad cause
Im sexy, famous and Im rich
I rock the latest fashions
And I set the latest trends
Girls say Im conceited
Cause they really wanna be me

Im addicted to the glitzs and glamour
Maybe I need betty ford
A rehab for my shopping habit
If I see it, gotta have it
Cause daddy never says no
Mama get what she wants
I keep it new, new
Like Im supposed to yeah

And I dont care,
That I keep pissing people off
Ima let em talk
I dont give a damn what they say
It isnt fair
That I wear diamonds for breakfast
And I know this isnt helping

And as culture slowly slips away, so does her bikini.