Love to see that Wall Street is applauding Urban Outfitters Inc. LLC for being such a hot commodity in the NASDAQ.

Looks like American Apparel could learn a thing or two, as indie bloggers everywhere such as msnbc have declared that AmApp is in some serious financial trouble.  Good thing I sold all my stock in Circle Scarves back in 2009.

I’m definitely sticking with URBN for a while… I mean, the end of 2k8 wasn’t so hot, but it was a bad time for the entire Hipster Stock Market.  Can’t blame the flannel and Animal Collective blasting over the intercom for that one.  

Hoping that my URBN stock continues to grow this summer like it did after Urban Outfitters started selling vinyls in 2007.

Man, check out that mid-May nosedive from American Apparel.  URBN is a way steadier choice right now, kids.  If you haven’t pulled out of APP yet, tell your dad that his hedge fund might be going “in the shitter” if you keep your stocks in the Deeep V department.

…

I think it’s time that Hipster Runoff becomes a tradable commodity.  Would you invest in HRO if you had the chance?

I would’ve bought up a lot of stock right after the Human After Yall post surfaced.  But the ‘CARLES is DEAD’ crap from back in 2k9 would’ve definitely sent investors scrambling.

Could big sales of the “I AM CARLES” clothing line propel HRO up the financial ladder?  Will Goldman Sachs be watching?  Or is Carles’ brand still too much of a “niche market”?

….

What’s your next big move in the hipster market?

Are you gonna buy up all the shares of Governors Island, NY in preparation for all the free indie shows happening there this summer?
 

Are you desperately selling off all your ‘Summer Raves’ shares after the media’s brutal attack on rave/ecstasy culture via the “EDC aftermath”?

Are you planning on investing in thousands of vuvuzelas in anticipation for chillwave’s embracement of the alt/ethnic instrument?

Are you stuck in a quandary (A QUANDARY) over how to earn back all the money you lost on MGMT in the post-Congratulations nightmarish economic state that we live in?

(inspiration for this museum entry comes from the grand work of teenagejesus)

This photograph, which has been posted by the Hipster Runoff internet blog community, is part of an expose the Museum would like to introduce that highlights famous figures of the 21st century at places where you wouldn’t think to run into them.

Today’s first example is at the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival that took place this past weekend.

Good to know that the Hills star Whitney Port followed her own advice by eating “spicy pie” at Coachella.

Sometimes, Carles, the douchey ‘hpstr’ blogger from Hipster Runoff, sums things up better than the Curators of the Museum ever could.  An example of this is his recent post about Coachella tips that come to us from the ‘The Hills’ star Whitney Port.

hipsterrunoff has more:

“From what I understand, The Hills is one of the most popular cable television shows of all time. The show features a series of entitled cunts searching for meaning / relevancy / a fulfilling relationship / a fulfilling career, kinda like regular people in society. One of the characters in the fake / real show is called Whitney Port. I think she pursued a meaningful career in fashion by leaving Los Angeles and moving to ‘The City.’

N e ways, I think some website hired her to write some ’survival guide’ for coachella. I think these types of people will only do stuff for money. Like they will only ‘go 2 a club’ if some1 pays them. I think they only blog for money, too.

It seems like she is a real ‘professional’ at going to music festivals. Are her tips ‘obvious’/’retarded’ or ‘genuinely helpful’?

As an experienced Coachella-goer, I wanted to share some important survival tips with all of you first-timers.

Tip #1: Load up on the sunscreen, people! I got crazy burnt my first year, and I’ve never worn anything less than SPF 30 every year after. Also, wear a hat or sunglasses, because the sun is really strong until about 7:30pm.

Tip #2: Wear really comfy shoes — sneakers are definitely best. Feet get really sweaty. NO SANDALS! Your feet will be covered in dirt within the first hour.

Tip #3: Setting up meeting places and times with friends is key to Coachella survival. It’s really easy to get lost, and cell phone reception is not great.

Tip #4: A sheet is definitely a good thing to bring, and it’s easy to fit in your backpack. You’ll be doing a lot of walking around so it’s always nice to have something to sit on.

Tip #5: For your favorite acts, make sure to get to the stage super early. The same goes for when you’re seeing shows in the dance tent, because it fills up really quickly.

Tip #6: Don’t wear anything you don’t mind getting really sweaty or spilled on. If you do, chances are you won’t be wearing them again.

Tip #7: If you are hungry, eat spicy pizza. It’s worth the $7.

Tip #8: Pace yourself, don’t start drinking mimosas at 3pm. Also, drink a LOT of water — it’s good to rotate between alcohol and water to stay hydrated.

Tip #9: Bring a lightweight hoodie — it gets cold once the sun goes down.

Tip #10: This year, since there are “ins and outs”, don’t be afraid to get there early, then leave for a pool/food break, and then come back strong for the evening sets.

Which 1 of her tips is the most helpful? Drinking water? Bringing a mat 2 sit on when ur tired?

Another highlight was her ‘list of bands that she is rlly looking forward 2 seeing’:

1. Jay-Z – Jay-Z is king. From his cameos to his albums, he dominates. His lyrics are now catchphrases ingrained into our culture. His shows usually cost $100+, so seeing him at Coachella is a deal not to miss.

2. La Roux – I like La Roux’s style as much as her songs. Can’t wait to hear “Bulletproof” live!

3. Vampire Weekend – These guys kind of called it early. Their look and sound is now driving the current indie movement, as well as Urban Outfitters’ Spring campaign. East Coast beach is in.

4. Miike Snow – Miike Snow (aka Bloodshy & Avant) produced Britney’s “Toxic”. Needless to say, they know how to make things sound epic. Expect nothing less from their danceable sets.

5. MGMT – “Electric Feel” was probably the song of the decade for many of you. Their new album is more beachy but I’m hoping it will really shine through from the Coachella Stage.

Was MGMT’s “Electric Feel” ur song of the decade?

Did Urban Outfitters rip off the Vampire Weekend aesthetic, or did Vampire Weekend rip off the _____ aesthetic?

Will music bloggers be replaced by reality tv celebrities in 2k14?

Have u ever almost died at a music festival because you did too many drugs / drank too much alcohol and didn’t have any water?

How do u ’survive’ music festivals / Coachella?

Are yall more into Audrina, Lauren Conrad, or Spencer + Heidi?

Does Heidi Montag look hotter after her surgery?

Do u know how to smuggle weed / drugs into a music festival?”

She & Him, Neon Indian, and Grizzly Bear all get the spotlight treatment in Apple’s latest iPhone commercial.  Which leaves us wondering, has the day finally come?  Is this the day that Billboard dies?  Will the Hype Machine be resurrected in its place?

Are Zooey Deschanel and Ronald Gierhart (of Neon Indian) the new T-Pain and Christina Aguilera of popular culture?  Will music festivals replace Top 40 radio?  

Is this hypothetical future a good thing, or does its mainstream-ification “lose the appeal”?  So many questions, so few answers, watch the commercial, the link is above, Carles’ comments are below.

More jargon from thehipsterrunoff:

“Can’t believe it finally happened. A chillwave buzzband finally got ‘acknowledged’ by the mainstream iPhone commercial…” - Carles, blog creator of Hipster Runoff

p.s. In case you didn’t notice, the commercial also quickly features Owl City.  So forget everything mentioned above, nothing is changing any time soon/everything is over once again, fail.

As part of the Museum’s new “CARLES (the hpstr runsoff dude)” exhibit, and to directly exploit the hard work of other’s pursuits for finding relevant stories on the internet, we are proud to bring you what we like to call  ”Copying hipsterrunoff word for word, because even though we could probably articulate shit better than Carles, we’d rather him do the dirty work and get the credit for it because he’s more ‘commercially viable’”

So enjoy the following discussion of how handicapped models are creating a new trend in fashion culture today (written by Carles):

Recently, the new trend of handicapped models started 2 take over retail brochures / fashion runways everywhere. Apparently, some brand in the UK hired a handicapped model, and it is intended to help ‘crossover’ into new markets.

The disabled model, Shannon Murray, seems like she might be the next big ‘it girl’.  Fashion/branding is just a contest to get the most people ‘talking’, so it is only a matter of time before the biggest designers in the world ‘book’ her to wheel down their runway.

“British department store Debenhams is set to become the first UK high street retailer to feature a disabled model in its campaign. Shannon Murrayshines in front of the camera in the latest fashions from Debenhams.

Photographed alongside with two other models of varying size, the three models showcase the department store’s latest gear.

Beside this progressive campaign, Debenhams was also one the first to have plus sized mannequins and because of this, it has proven to be more than fashion forward, but forward-thinking as well.”

Do u feel like u will buy clothes from designers who are chill with disabled ppl?

Will designers ‘book’ this model, or will she just be used in Target clothing line campaigns?
Is Shannon Murray the next big ‘it girl’?
Is Shannon Murray the new Cory Kennedy / Agyness Deyn / Cindy Crawford / Heidi Klum?
Will Am Appy hire a disabled sexie model?
Does beauty have no size / shape / color / defined limit physical abilities?

Sometimes, hipsterrunoff says it better than our little start-up Museum ever could.

Carles, author of the acclaimed blog, has more:

In an effort to rebrand herself to fit in with the modern world + to fit in with tweens and minorities, the popular celebwhore “Mona Lisa” paid for the opportunity to chill with popular 1990s/2000s rapper Puff Daddy AKA Sean Combs AKA P Diddy AKA Bro Puffdy.

By embracing social media and schmoozing with pop culture icons + hip hop moguls, the Mona Lisa will be able to transition her brand into the modern memesphere. While she will always exist in textbooks because of her close ties with Leonardo DaVinci, creating an internet brand for herself will ultimately make her more valuable to investors like Google, Yahoo, Microsoft, Yelp, and Gawker.

In other news, the Louvre is currently confused on whether to be happy for this boost in commercial viability or horrified by this caustic breach on art and culture.

In case you didn’t know, the Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum is a Tumblr.  Which is basically a blog but way better, allowing you to post different types of online mediums easily.  Additionally, you can “re-blog” things other people posted, making it a strong community network-based service.

Tumblrs have grown in popularity mostly thanks to popular tumblrs such as “Look At This Fucking Hipster”, “This Is Why You’re Fat” and all of the “Fuck Yeah ________” tumblogs out there.

So as a tribute to Tumblr and Carles from Hipsterrunoff, who created the original “Myspacers Worth Blogging About” meme, the Museum is proud to bring you:

Tumblogs worth Tumbling:
An Exploration of How Tumblr is Granting Us All New Means of Sharing and Expression While Simultaneously Reducing Art and Culture to Nothing

Today we feature two different Tumblrs.

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Tumblr #1: Light Inspiration Wire

A tumblr that features gorgeous and artistic photographs of sexy clothed or semi-naked women whose portraits prove that glamor shots don’t have to be reduced to Sports Illustrated douchebaggery.

Is it pornography?  No.  Could it spice up your night as you sit blankly at your computer screen?  Surely.  Does it depict art?  Quite possibly, if you consider beautiful women and lots of cigarettes to properly fit an artistic mold.

It does a lot of re-blogging from Tumblrs such as “fuckyeahprettyface” and “joeyjojo”, which may or may not diminish its purpose.

Light Inspiration Wire brings you dozens of photos everyday such as:

and

and even

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Tumblr #2: Fuck Yeah Starbucks

Is it pornography?  Absolutely.

Is it art?  Kill me now.

Why does it exist?  Because people apparently like taking SLR photos of their Starbucks drinks.

Because Starbucks is the “classy” “chic” corporate brand.

Because Starbucks is “acceptable”.  Because settling for Dunkin’ Donuts is just disgraceful.  Because celebrities drink Starbucks too, like Ben Affleck.

Because Starbucks might just save your life.

You can learn all of this and more by visiting the Fuck Yeah Starbucks tumblr.  Or don’t.

We hope you enjoyed this mini-collection of Tumblrs that the museum believes to have value in our exploration of modernity.