Ring ring.

#butseriously: Which option would you choose?  Would you even want to look Jesus in the eyes (via your laptop’s iSight camera)?  Would you be happier just hearing his voice after all these years?  Or are you not even trying to mess around with whatever voodoo bullshit is going on and thus would simply decline his call?

statootie:

I bet Jesus is like one of those annoying friends, who don’t have regular jobs, who are always trying to video chat at 2 pm on a Wednesday 

(Source: invisicanada)

After spreading false panic throughout the entire world that the Rapture and subsequent end-as-we-know-it was set to begin this past weekend, Jesus takes to the streets to apologize.

It’s all cool guys, his bad.  Moving right along…

(via theduty)

In an effort to prevent more sinners and more falls from grace all over the place, the people of the Landover Baptist Community College Computer Science department bring us all the JesOS™ Operating System.

(Farce is everywhere, breathe deeply)

Here is an excerpt from their official press release:

Freehold, IA – Official Press Release:  This month, Landover Baptist Community College Computer Science instructor, Pastor Isaac Peters, along with ten of his hard-working male students, unveiled the results of a six-month Christian Service Project that is sure to take the computer world by storm. They have developed the first known True Christian™ Operating System: JesOS™.  The system is being released to the Christian public, although the log-in sound effect still needs some work. 

The project was initiated out of Godly concern that Christians are persecuted daily by being forced to use Godless, secular humanist operating systems. “Apple™ uses its corporate logo as a clear allusion to the fall of mankind,” says Mr. Peters, “and Windows™ funds a foundation set up by notorious atheist ‘do-gooder,’ Bill Gates, which seeks to help people in this life while paying no attention to their eternal destinies. And of course Linux is the handiwork of America-hating Europeans. Quite frankly, knowing this, the response of any Christian should be, I plead the power and blood of Jesus Christ over my keyboard! Demons out!” Peters assures potential buyers that JesOS™ is made by Christians, for Christians! And the coding will never be outsourced to a country where they worship cows.”

Damn straight.  American made in the Christian way, gotta love that.

Read more about how “JesOS™ sanctifies and enhances a Christ-like, comfortable, and (Lord Willing) an unsaved-free computing experience for True Christians™” by viewing the rest of the article and visiting their website here: http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0907/jesOS.html

(via substitute curator, frankiejuan)

Mark your calendars, people!

This honestly is not as long of notice as we would’ve hoped… we’re surprised that for something this big, there wasn’t a little more advanced notice.  Like, give us a year or something to get ready and make sure we don’t have a graduation or another Bar Mitzvah scheduled that day or something.

Are you excited?

Are you marking May 21, 2011 in your calendar to prepare for the return of Christ?

Are you gonna do anything to celebrate? 

(Source: hatethefuture)

Jesus never fails to slay us all with some totally epic bangers…

Jesus: Relevant always.

(Source: jesusislove)

Probably blogging.

Is he really getting WiFi out there though?  That’s impressive if so.

Or maybe he’s just catching up on the latest episodes of The Office on Hulu.

It’s clear from his pose that he’s not looking at porn, so that’s a sigh of relief.

Would you read Jesus’ blog?

Do you bring your MacBook Airs and Pros and Hoes into the wilderness when you’re on a path to become the Messiah?

(Source: jesusislove)

It’s time to take bets on whether you think Jesus is a top or bottom…

(via jesusislove)

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum would like to take this time of year to showcase some scholarly wonders in reference to the man who makes this whole holiday season thing possible… 

…No, not Tim Allen.   Jesus H. Christ, silly.

Would you buy this shirt if it was being sold as part of the Art of Mod clothing line?

Would you ever consider wearing this shirt ironically?

Well it’s about time he specified…

(via fuckyeahalbuquerque)

This is brilliant.

Expect something kind of like it, but the exact opposite, when our eventual Art of Mod Clothing Line hits the shelves.

Ironic fashion is the ill-est.

(Source: breakfastinbed)