The waitress had her reasons… we all do…

…

This leads us to our Relevant question of the day: Knowing that the end result would be an simple informative tweet, would you punch Lindsay Lohan if you had the chance?

If you had, one shot, one opportunity, would you capture it (via paparazzi) or let it slip (via passive resistance)?

Would punching LiLo make you feel like you finally accomplished something?
Or do you feel that you’d be accomplishing more by not punching her at all, because not acknowledging her presence would be the biggest metaphorical punch Lindsay could get?

Thanks DreamCreeper.com (wtf) for the above post-punched-looking (physically and metaphorically) photo of the 24-year old celebritante.

(via fauxchenaux)

Ever since the post-Freaky Friday post-Mean Girls era of Lindsay Lohan dawned upon us, we never thought we’d see the day where Lindsay finally cleaned up her act and morally redeemed herself.

But yet, through all the sluttiness and the cocaine, the DUI’s and the lesbian street fights, a new day seems to have finally arrived…

The glorious cheerful exalting day may have finally cometh!

Make way, make way, for Lindsay D. Lohan might just be ready to re-emerge as a new professional mature woman who finally understands what’s the right thing to do for her career, for her (lack of) fan base, and for her life.

How do we know?

Solely judging by the following:

Get ready…

Almost there…

We’re almost ready to present to you the beautifully composed,

finally free,

feminism-minded,

career-on-track,

new-and-improved

ready-for-success Lindsay Lohan….

And here it is:

Look at that grace, that poise.

She’s reinventing herself as a work of art, a modern marvel, une nouvelle femme.

Is that really a gun, you ask?  Yes, yes goddamit it is.  And don’t you forget it when you’re being distracted by her lacy bra and bad ass high heels.

Is that really blood on the wall, you further question?  Hell yes.  For nothing compliments sexy jet black hair and a dominatrix outfit quite as well as red blood dripping down from stark off-white walls.

Don’t you think you’re taking your sarcasm of the whole ‘Lindsay redeeming herself’ thing too far, you finally impose?  Absolutely not, we answer.

Because sarcasm or not, this his her role in society.  No matter how many times she goes to church or rescues children in India and then makes documentaries about it, no one will ever fully see it as morally redeeming because she’s such a notorious hot mess.

And thus, this may very well be her moral and career redemption… finally embracing what makes Lindsay Lindsay, what makes her famous, what makes her a commodity. And it is this Lindsay seen here that will probably re-build her fan base.  The Huffington Post seems to be on board (6 LiLo stories in the last week?  Wowzers), and maybe you soon will be too.

Until then, we leave you with this:

This is more artistic than MILF ISLAND and BITCHUNTER combined…

ART!

ART!

Commentary above.

Not many things make me question reality more than this.  At least you never know what you’re gonna get from Lindsay next.

More context for this photo can be found at this past Art of Mod expose: http://artifactsofmodernity.com/post/324074896/lindsay-lohan-in-india

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

This is all one family

Dear Ms. Lohan,

Thank you for the Parent Trap and Mean Girls (You GO Glen COCO!), but I don’t think that your presence is really necessary on any scale of celebrity status (even Kathy Griffin’s sacred “D-list”). The more glen-coked out I see you, the more I hate the world around me.

Thanks,

The American People

P.S. I think you should at least wear a dress to a red-carpet event…

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art?

Performance art? Phallic symbol?

Performance art? Minstrel show?

Performance art?

In what looks to be an attempt at trying to get some good PR buzz and get her life back on track, but mostly is just awkward and makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, Lindsay Lohan has recently traveled to India to interview and document the horrors of child sex trafficking in the region.

Here’s a short clip from the upcoming film documentary titled “Lindsay Lohan in India” that will air on BBC 3:

So in all honesty, this just feels like an awkward mess.  On the one hand, its an extremely noble cause and something that should get more media coverage, so props for that.  And it’s also nice to see when celebrities step away from their vapid lives to actually attempt to contribute some sort of positive change.

However, Lindsay Lohan feels like the worst/silliest celebrity advocate for a cause as serious as this.  And silliness and sex trafficking are two concepts that probably should not go together.

Also the special is called “Lindsay Lohan in India”, which without any other context, leads me to think that the film might be about her on some sleazy Slumdog Millionaire-esque vacation while she performs in night clubs / boosts the tourism industry and economy via massively consuming coke.

So this is really the “ambassador” that we want representing sex trafficking in India?  God bless post-post-modernity/post-Irony, a time when anything is possible, so long as its filthily ridiculous enough.

(Theoretically) Coming soon in 2010: “The Snooki Report: On the frontlines of the Darfur genocide” and “The Worst of Both Worlds: Hannah Montana on Cultural Clashes in Iran”