So we’ve all been driving along the highway at one point or another in our postmodern automobile-bound lives and have come across those “Public Service Announcement” billboards that encourage you to have good values, and then “Pass it on.”

Sometimes they make you think, like “hey man, if I just had better values and really followed my dreams and didn’t do stupid shit, I could really be something great and do something awesome.  And then I could like totally tell all my friends to do the same!”

Then there are the few that really make you smile and awww and want to turn to the stranger in the car next to you and say “Hey man, you’re awesome!” because you can’t help but get a warm-and-fuzzy feeling inside you…

And then some of them just make you laugh for all the wrong reasons, or make you a little shocked for their mix of wit and blunt awkwardness:

And then there’s some that are just too irrelevant to even comprehend.

Like, why am I tryin’ to be an ogre?  Wtf bro… I’d rather just keep stickin’ it to the streets and being bad and shit than being an ugly ogre voiced by that dude who used to be on SNL and in all the Austin Powers movies, shit dude.

But until today, these “values.com Public Service Announcements” held a place in our lives only for those brief moments as you’re whizzing along I-10 / I-95 / the 405 / I-40 (trying to show some love for all the Oklahoma City or Memphis or Little Rock scholars out there, you keep drivin’ along I-40 you crazy sons of bitches).

…Until today.

Because now they apparently have television commercials.

And now apparently there’s a new “value” to add to the list.

There’s already ‘Determination’, ‘Confidence’, ‘Live Your Dreams, and ‘Helping Others’, just to name a few.

But Middle America apparently does not know what any of the above words mean, nor do they know any actual values…

And thus, the ‘Pass it on’ campaign presents the greatest “value” of them all.  Presenting “The Good Stuff”:

After watching this ‘Pass it along’ commercial one too many times, the Museum officially endorses your decision to re-locate your life and future family to Europe.

But seriously… What is The Good Stuff?

We realize that we here at the Museum ask a lot of rhetorical questions in our attempts to exaggerate the ideals of postmodernity/post-irony, but this time we’re serious…

What in living hell kind of value is ‘the good stuff’?

So to answer our own question, this advertisement is apparently trying to suggest that ‘The Good Stuff’ is merely somewhere between ”Dropping the ring in the spaghetti plate cuz you’re hands were shaking so much” and ”Eating burnt suppers the whole first year and asking for seconds to keep her from tearing up”.

So by “the good stuff”, they mean “the most mediocre life you could possibly imagine”.  Perfect.

Mediocrity. Pass it on.

P.S. Also, on a sidenote, deliberate-and-not-that-plausible-overadmiration-for-black-people only further acknowledges racism, and thus, it’s still racist.

P.S. Also, Mom, I hate it here.

My pa’s pa was a farmer.  Somewhere south of Bowling Green, can’t remember exactly.

But my pa wanted more.  And the agriculture industry tanked hardcore.  So he settled us down in good ol’ Rural-burbia.

My ma made great omelets in the morn before I’d get on the bus for school.  My ma was a proud shopper at the Piggly Wiggly, but sometimes she’d go to Kroger.

But I grew up.

I learned stuff.  I watched TV and commercials and stuff, I became a global consumer and stuff.  I preached the art of “glocal” networking and social internet media and stuff.  I was spoon-fed top 40 radio but had my more sophisticated indie favorites too.  And I began caring about social issues and stuff, and eating healthier and stuff.

That’s when I realized I was different than my rural-burbia community.  I don’t wanna go to “dry events” for “hip edgy xcore teens” at the local church.  I don’t wanna vote for John McCain just cuz my parents did, even if some black people still make me nervous sometimes in certain situations.  I want to escape the mediocrity of it all.

So I’ve decided that it is finally my time.

Time to leave my 6000 person populated community and take my chances in

The Big City.

The City is where I’ll find it all.  The City is where I’ll find my place.

Where the fast-paced way of life will make me feel alive, where industry’s speed will be exhilarating, where technology will have greater meaning, where my iPhone will actually get 3G service.

I will be in a place where other people “get” me.  I will be part of a city where culture is alive, where I can experience art, entertainment, beauty, passion, wonder, awe.  The streets will be crowded, packed with excitement.  The days will be filled with sunshine and spirit.

I don’t know what I’ll do exactly, but I’ll figure it out along the way.. that’s what’s so great about the city, right?  I’ll get an office job, I’ll be proud to work for a company in a big building, with lots of little offices for so many excited employers just like me.

I am Ready for the City Life.  I am ready for Indianapolis. “I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, I am.” - Counting Crows and me