“This is an Artifact of Modernity” Photo of a Must-Have Book of the Day (05/18/2011):

This book is real, people, this is not a drill.

According to Amazon.com’s book description:

Intended for everyone who’s anyone is knitting, this fun and funky book is a celebration of the increasing popularity of this relaxing and creative craft. It contains everything from knitter’s anecdotes, shopping advice and keen celebrity knitters, to a fascinating history of wonderful woolly fashions throughout the decades. It encourages current and would-be knit-chicks to pick up their needles and get clicking together in public. Glamorous, girly, and gift-sized, this original and inspirational book will appeal to knitters everywhere.

Note to men everywhere: If you’re girl is in the middle of knitting during the evening hours, it’s not gonna happen.

Not tonight, Darling.

(Would you all approve of us Curators starting a new “Not tonight, Darling” meme?)

“This is an Artifact of Modernity” Photo Book of the Day (4/14/11):

Hipsterdom and ‘tween fiction’ has just popped out a very unfortunate love-child.

Remember when there was this thing that existed, good literature, even for the older youth demographic?

Now it’s all Twilights and Gossip Gurl and The A-List Series (a la Mean Girls the Animated Book Series) and Shoplifting from American Apparel.

Do you think IVY: Tale of a Homeless Girl in San Francisco is available on my iPad?

(via teensfightingonyoutube)

(Source: tremphantasma)

The Museum is (actually, non-sarcastically) happy to share the following German children’s book, which looks to teach little kids about “why daddy lives with another man now”…

Thank you, Germany, for demonstrating that children can learn about homosexuality in appropriate, healthy and honest ways without being damned straight to hell or because they accidentally clicked a link to FratBoySecrets.com.

We would like to humorously note, however, the young narrator’s discovery of the fact that his dad and his dad’s “friend” “shave together”, which is an understandable red flag if we do say so ourselves.

Also, dad’s skimpy red bro-tank…
(which he probably only wears as either pajamas or as rave attire)

Final thought: Mom looks super hip, especially in the third to last slide.

hedwigthefeminist:

“It was a simple question, ‘Can you remember the last day you didn’t have a drink?’”

And with this scholarly line of sorts, Former President George W. Bush’s literary work kicks off in full force as he discusses his alcoholism in the opening chapter [“Quitting”] of his upcoming personal memoir / the most anticipated book of the season, Decision Points.

The Druge Report, the toned-down all-politics fairly-Conservative knockoff of the Huffington Post, gives more details of the memoir as they tell us:

From 911’s “Day of Fire” to “Katrina” to “Financial Crisis”, Bush explains how he returned to his faith, time and time again. 

And the faith of others. 

The president details how he bonded with Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudi Arabia — and a magical bird! 

Arriving angry at Bush’s Texas ranch over the president’s position on Israel and Ramallah, Abdullah quickly decided he wanted to leave. 

But the prince spots a turkey on the road — and takes it as a good omen, a sign from Allah! 

And, in case you were wondering, according to a top Bush source: “You (the reader) will find the president strong, loving life, and ultimately at peace with the decisions he made.”

Welp.

The Artifacts of Modernity Online Museum brings you yet another really unfortunate yet really real children’s book.

But at least it’s helping kids deal with their daddy issues, right?

On a side note, are you an eager beaver reader?

Also, coming soon: Danny’s Mom Works on a Street Corner

Excerpt:

She walks in the door.  There is make up on her face.  It looks like she is crying. “What’s wrong, Mom?” asks Danny.

(via godsbiggestboners)

The Museum is a proud supporter of these fairly compact paper products that have been around for a lot of years that contain lots of words that you can read… they’re called books or something.

And you can find them at your local, uhhh, iBookstore.  No thats not it, ummm, oh! library!  That’s it, your local library.  We’re not sure if your local community still has that, and by local community, we mean where you live, like in a house, not like your local Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Xanga community.

But seriously kids, reading books is cool!

Missy knows all too well… (does she though?)

I guess what we’re getting at here is:  Does this kind of in-your-face pro-library anti-Apple ‘cool posters’ marketing make you want to go read books?  Or does it just turn you off even more to a dying pre-2k10’s trend.

Are you down to “catch the reading bug”?  Or does this make you feel like you’re gonna get influenza / some creepy venereal disease / sexually transmitted infection if you go to the library in the hot summer months?

Does this HOT DAMN FIRE BLAZIN get your attention and make you wanna bury into a good book at the library?  Or are you, like we, just kind of scared and confused and frantically pacing around to find the nearest fire extinguisher?

Are you frantically running out your front door and into the car to get to your library ASAP so you can ‘get some’ in the middle of some bookstacks while simultaneously showering (?) with someone fairly attractive?  aka, Are you turned on right now?

Also, upon careful review, the Museum has come to the dynamic conclusion that these are, in fact, two people of what we believe to be the same gender.  And thus, is this a specific ploy to get the GLBTQWTF-community more excited about libraries?  Is this alienating the heterosexual book-lover population?  So many questions, so few answers.

Do you find yourself wanting to go to your local library more or less after seeing these anti-Kindle propaganda posters…

P.S. Bonus anti-iPad propaganda below:

(via fartdstfatrtsfarts)

Looking for a more cultured way to pretend to get your nicotine fix?

Hoping for a new way to illustrate your innate pretentiousness while expressing your intellectual strength? 

Desperate to be an even bigger hipster d-bag than you already are?

Want to “read in style” without an iPad?

…Well, the Museum of Modern Artifacts (yes, people get us and the MoMA confused all the time) is proud to present to you the following highly-marketable-in-hip-urban-neighborhoods product:

introducing TankBooks: Literary Mock Cigarette Packs that are actually Books

Their website would like to tell you more:

The flip-top cigarette pack is one of the most successful pieces of packaging design in history. TankBooks pay homage to this iconic form by employing it in the service of great literature. We have launched a series of books designed to mimic cigarette packs – the same size, packaged in flip-top cartons with silver foil wrapping and sealed in cellophane. 

The titles are by authors of great stature – classic stories presented in classic packaging; objects desirable for both their literary merit and their unique design.
Each story is complete and unabridged – with a type size that’s easy to read. Individual books are great for throwing into a pocket or handbag – an instantly familiar object to carry with you. The complete set comes in a stunning tin – perfect as a really original gift. 

TankBooks are for people on the move, lovers of literature and connoisseurs of design. Try one and you’ll be hooked.

Titles: Joseph Conrad“Heart of Darkness”
Ernest Hemingway“The Undefeated” and “The Snows of Kilimanjaro”,Franz Kafka“The Metamorphosis” and“In the Penal Colony”Rudyard Kipling“The Man who would be King”,“The Phantom ’Rickshaw” and“Black Jack”Robert Louis Stevenson“Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”Leo Tolstoy“The Death of Ivan Ilych” and

“Father Sergius”

Can’t wait until a friend of mine asks if he can “snag a cig” and I whip out The Metamorphosis as I condescendingly respond, “Inhale this”.

Can’t wait until I’m on my lunch break from work and realize that instead of grabbing my Marlboro pack, I accidentally took Crime and Punishment.

Leave it to thedailywhat to deliver us more painful and evident truth.

Read more about the Museum’s take on the iPad here: Artifacts of Modernity - iPad