Coming soon to the Artifacts of Modernity Clothing Line: the iPad Display Case Shirt.
Now you can officially be the Teletubby you’ve always dreamed of being…
We look forward to the day when people start walking around the streets with ArtofMod.com prominently displayed on their chests.
thedailywhat has more on this masterful fashion breakthrough:
Things That Are All Too Real of the Day: On first look, the iPad Style Shirt appears to be not a single lick more than a regular heavyweight cotton tee with a dinky vinyl-screened pocket on the front intended for the completely unnecessary practice of intrusively broadcasting the contents of your iPad to the world. But wait!:
“2 hidden port holes on the inside for headphones or charger.” (i.e. holes).
“Internal supports distribute weight of iPad across the body to prevent shirt distortion.” (LOLWUT.)
“Full mobility whether you are sitting down or walking.” (This was not at all a given!)
All this and so much less for only $50. May God have mercy on our souls.
In case you needed yet another designer brand name to add to your walk-in closet collection of fabulous fashion pieces…
But like everything else that we could possibly find in existence today, we must ask the question: What is this trying to say?? What postmodern/post-ironic doctrine is this preaching to us??
Is this a provocative statement about animal rights and how it contradicts with our fashion choices? Or was some farmer just looking to get a few chuckles somewhere deep in the heart of Middle America?
Is this an allegory for how expensive materialistic things such as high-end designer accessory items are really just fabric/just pigs/just ham-in-training at its core? Does this try to depict how disgusting over-lavish living through swine comparison?
Or is this just a personal jab at Louis Vuitton for “selling out” over the years?? Is this Dolce & Gabbana’s new ad campaign to convince the über-chic public that the Louis Vuitton brand is worthless, gross, farm-animal-esque??
Regardless of its metaphorical intent, is this one of the worst things you’ve seen today? Does this make you even more glad that you ‘went veg’ last year after transferring to a weed-friendly liberal college? Or does this just make you more proud to be a big bad pork consumer because now you know that the bacon on your plate might just be Armani pork/Gucci sausage..
But more importantly: Thank you to the American Apparel shopper who understands post-irony/social media/’doing things solely for the Internet’s sake’ enough to take the time and effort to silk screen on this warning label on to the inside of his/her pair of tights so that no one could ever actually read this warning besides him/herself unless they either A. stole his/her pair of tights, or B. he/she posted this on to the Internet for everyone to subsequently laugh about, blog about, tweet about, Tumbl about.
Have you done anything solely for the sake of internet viral-ocity / memehood lately? Maybe we’ll include it in the Museum. Maybe we’ll give it a purpose, like we just gave this homemade warning label on the inside of one’s own tights.
The Artifacts of Modernity Museum presents: the Hipster Stock Market
Love to see that Wall Street is applauding Urban Outfitters Inc. LLC for being such a hot commodity in the NASDAQ.
Looks like American Apparel could learn a thing or two, as indie bloggers everywhere such as msnbc have declared that AmApp is in some serious financial trouble. Good thing I sold all my stock in Circle Scarves back in 2009.
I’m definitely sticking with URBN for a while… I mean, the end of 2k8 wasn’t so hot, but it was a bad time for the entire Hipster Stock Market. Can’t blame the flannel and Animal Collective blasting over the intercom for that one.
Hoping that my URBN stock continues to grow this summer like it did after Urban Outfitters started selling vinyls in 2007.
Man, check out that mid-May nosedive from American Apparel. URBN is a way steadier choice right now, kids. If you haven’t pulled out of APP yet, tell your dad that his hedge fund might be going “in the shitter” if you keep your stocks in the Deeep V department.
…
I think it’s time thatHipster Runoff becomes a tradable commodity. Would you invest in HRO if you had the chance?
I would’ve bought up a lot of stock right after the Human After Yall post surfaced. But the ‘CARLES is DEAD’ crap from back in 2k9 would’ve definitely sent investors scrambling.
Could big sales of the “I AM CARLES” clothing line propel HRO up the financial ladder? Will Goldman Sachs be watching? Or is Carles’ brand still too much of a “niche market”?
….
What’s your next big move in the hipster market?
Are you gonna buy up all the shares of Governors Island, NY in preparation for all the free indie shows happening there this summer?
Are you planning on investing in thousands of vuvuzelas in anticipation for chillwave’s embracement of the alt/ethnic instrument?
Are you stuck in a quandary (A QUANDARY) over how to earn back all the money you lost on MGMT in the post-Congratulations nightmarish economic state that we live in?
(inspiration for this museum entry comes from the grand work of teenagejesus)
Calvin Klein’s sexual consumerism: fear, fragrances, and felines.
Remember when sex was taboo? Remember when television commercials showed respect? Remember when the zoo was a fun place to visit?
Well, Calvin Klein, underwear’s Messiah, has changed that. He’s asking some new questions:
Oh, how times have changed. In this series of commercials, which appeared on popular websites like Hulu, Calvin defies tradition by shoving sexual images in our faces (and better yet, they’re all hot men.) His models curse at us, their muscles evoke feelings of fear and lust, and their bulges protrude from their boxer briefs. Never before has advertising so violently told us that we want a product. Never before has the fashion industry yelled to its consumers about dicks. Never before has Calvin been so brilliant!!
We used to be concerned with decency. Now, we live in a world where the questions are different: Do you wanna see my dick? Are you sure you don’t wanna see my dick? Is it weird that I have an erection during the It’s Always Sunny commercial breaks on Hulu?
But Calvin has done more than just change the way people approach lust. Why focus only on humans when there are so many other corruptible living things out there? Take large cats, for example:
The Wall Street Journal has reported that Calvin Klein’s fragrance, Obsession for Men, has made jaguars and tigers at the Bronx Zoo go nutty.
“To wine and dine Sasha, a 450-pound Siberian tiger at the Bronx Zoo, try serving beef and rabbit. To lure him for a snack, whip out the frozen treats his zookeepers call “bloodcicles.” But to really get his olfactory engines running, you need the secret weapon: Calvin Klein’s Obsession for Men.”
Great! I was wondering what I should get my pet jaguar for X-mas!! Now I know what to buy!
“”Oh, yeah, he loves that scent,” Mr. Thomas said as Sasha blissfully cuddled up to a tree sprayed with Obsession for Men. “Just look at him.”“
If I spray the trees in my yard with Obsession for Men, will hoards of beautiful women swarm to my property?
Calvin’s revolution continues. Is his goal to turn the world into a giant orgy? Does he want to encourage the breeding a half-human-half-tiger super being? Does he want children to be violated by large felines at the zoo? Is he going to develop a fragrance called Obsession for Cats? Will he develop Obsession for Trees? Whatever he’s trying to do, it seems to be working:
“Obsession for Men launched in 1986, just as the Calvin Klein brand was pushing the boundaries of sexuality in advertising. Early ads typically featured nude models and little else. Today, it remains among the Top 10 best-selling men’s fragrances world-wide. The cologne, which is made and marketed under license by privately held Coty Inc., posted sales of about $85.5 million last year”
Early 2k’s middle-class American Mom Fashion and the Struggles of Social networking collide here.
While the main point of this shirt is most likely supposed to be the bedazzled Americana-colored FarmVille, we cannot help but conclude that the phrase “Online Farmer” written in a glimmering script font is really what makes this tank top so great.
As part of the Museum’s new “CARLES (the hpstr runsoff dude)” exhibit, and to directly exploit the hard work of other’s pursuits for finding relevant stories on the internet, we are proud to bring you what we like to call ”Copying hipsterrunoff word for word, because even though we could probably articulate shit better than Carles, we’d rather him do the dirty work and get the credit for it because he’s more ‘commercially viable’”
So enjoy the following discussion of how handicapped models are creating a new trend in fashion culture today (written by Carles):
Recently, the new trend of handicapped models started 2 take over retail brochures / fashion runways everywhere. Apparently, some brand in the UK hired a handicapped model, and it is intended to help ‘crossover’ into new markets.
The disabled model, Shannon Murray, seems like she might be the next big ‘it girl’. Fashion/branding is just a contest to get the most people ‘talking’, so it is only a matter of time before the biggest designers in the world ‘book’ her to wheel down their runway.
“British department store Debenhams is set to become the first UK high street retailer to feature a disabled model in its campaign. Shannon Murrayshines in front of the camera in the latest fashions from Debenhams.
Photographed alongside with two other models of varying size, the three models showcase the department store’s latest gear.
Beside this progressive campaign, Debenhams was also one the first to have plus sized mannequins and because of this, it has proven to be more than fashion forward, but forward-thinking as well.”
Do u feel like u will buy clothes from designers who are chill with disabled ppl?
Will designers ‘book’ this model, or will she just be used in Target clothing line campaigns? Is Shannon Murray the next big ‘it girl’? Is Shannon Murray the new Cory Kennedy / Agyness Deyn / Cindy Crawford / Heidi Klum? Will Am Appy hire a disabled sexie model? Does beauty have no size / shape / color / defined limit physical abilities?
HIPSTER UPRISING: AmApp’s Williamsburg Store Under Siege!
That Shit’s too Hilarious for words presents the following true story…
On Friday, March 5th, the American Apparel in Williamsburg, Brooklyn was attacked by “hipster revolutionaries”, who lay siege to the clothing store with stones and smoke bombs.
Welcome to the world of Retail Terrorism.
Here’s a quote from an innocent bystander:
“The the American Apparrel in Williamsburg was vandalized last night in an act of hipster rebellion. Both front windows were broken and the vandals unloaded a bunch of crap from a nearby dumpster, threw it in the middle of the road, and set off fireworks and smoke bombs on it.”
Looks like someone out there still reads Adbusters! Williamsburg’s outpost of skeevy hipster skivvies store American Apparel (or as the bros call it: AmAppy) found itself under assault last night by an entire crew of guys who apparently weren’t booked for any globalization protests this week.
Yeah, apparently, a bunch of guys threw smoke bombs (smoke bombs?) at the American Apparel on North 6th Street in Williamsburg, and then smashed some windows with a bat, and starting fires and throwing rocks. Local blog Free Williamsburg quotes someone who knows someone who tends to a different merchant within the vicinity of the assault:
“That person’s report from the scene makes it sounds a heck of a lot scarier than just a few kids throwing rocks! Per his recollection, there were about 50 guys dressed all in black, wearing masks, and “causing total mayhem” all along No. 6th St, “dumping out trash dumpsters and setting everything on fire in the streets, and then smashing all the windows of the american apparel.”
Let the revolution begin.
Let the uprising begin.
Viva la Resistance, Viva la Anarchy!
Down with Commercially Successful Hipstewear, Down with Dov Charney, Down with the Circle Scarf!
Note: This song was written by (and performed a few times by) the Lord GaGa.
Additional note: While it sounded a little corny, it kinda made sense when the Lord sang it. We realize that this doesn’t necessarily translate with Scholar Montag.
Furthermore: The Museum would like to apologize to any French-speaking person on earth, specifically those who reside in France, for Scholar Montag’s extremely butchered and false-sounding use of the language: “J’adore Vivienne, habillez-moi. Gucci, Fendi, et Prada.”
“Don’t you wanna see these clothes on me?” - Umm, not really.
Artifacts of Modernity is a internet based museum specializing in the preservation of contemporary artifacts deemed worthy of entrance into Western Civilization’s ever evolving canon. One part virtual time capsule, one part white walls echoing with the sweet siren song of irony, Artifacts of Modernity is the first museum of its kind. Entrance is free, permanent exhibits down the hall and to the right, bathrooms on your left.
Enjoy.
- The Curators
"I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance." - R. Blades
Yes, you! No longer feel like a mere puppet in the postmodern-post-Irony-ridden culture of today. Contribute your thoughts and findings of modern culture to Art of Mod!
Simply go to ArtifactsofModernity.com /CONTRIBUTE to share.
