The best holiday gift we’ve seen yet.
Maybe this could help us all understand this exhibit better: (this is a link to the Art is Dead as Art Itself reoccurring exhibit)
The Greatest, Most Symbolic Day of the Postmodern Era is Here: BLACK FRIDAY.
Post-postmodernity can be a frustrating and difficult era to explain, a time where vapidness and “real American values” somehow permeate through each other, where the Huffington Post and Fox News are both considered Bibles to some and propaganda machines to others, where Barack Obama (44th Pres of the US), Sheikh Mohammad (PM of the UAE, the sole authoritarian/leader of Dubai) and Lord “Lady” GaGa (Religious leader of Post-Irony, the Official Religion of GaGaism, chanter of “Bad Romance” and “Poker Face”) are the three most prominent figures of authority and the most probable architects of our futures.
But despite all the notable figures, all the potential metaphors, all the media circus acts, nothing symbolizes the state of the Postmodernity era today as perfectly as the Holiest holiday of them all, the one and only BLACK FRIDAY.
This is a holiday (and for most Americans, it truly is such) that has begun to overshadow Thanksgiving and take down everything that Christmas may mean to you, devout Christian museum-goer (miss giving N.D. shoutouts via L.A. Nouveau).
This is a revolutionary day in the Post-Postmodern for Irony’s Sake Era of the 2000’s. This is a holiday that actually gets people off their asses, off their Macbooks, off their sofas and out into the “real world”… Nothing gets Americans up and going like Black Friday does. It’s the one day where even Amazon.com’s most loyal internet shoppers take to the streets and the strip malls for the best deals around.
Black Friday has become a time for Americans to actually come in contact with each other again in a world where contact is “so 1990’s” thanks to Skype/Wii/Facebook/etc. But what is the reason and the motivation behind this contact? Ohh that’s right… blerg… and thus lies the horrifying hilarity and ultimate greatness of the holiday itself.
// Black Friday is The Holiday of the Postmodern Era. //
It is the day that unifies man and shopping cart in a brilliant symphony of light (via streetlamps in the parking lot and neon signs), sound (via screaming moms and yelling Wal-Mart workers), and touch (via people ramming shit into you, pushing you out of the way, potentially taking your life).
It is a day of the purest Joy a consumer can feel (screw Christmas morning). ”I’m about to get the deal of my lifetime, I’m about to score the greatest gift for the cheapest price before anyone else does, this is the greatest moment I’ve ever experienced.” This dramatic stimulation experienced here and only here is the Postmodern Condition.
It is a day of the greatest patience one can endure, the greatest anticipation one can feel, the wait may seem long but the light at the end of the tunnel is so close (the light, in this case, is the Target bullseye).
A day to weather the elements, to be a real tough rugged American, to be a pioneer, explorer, dreamer.
This is the most feasible opportunity for Americans to “prove themselves” in the public arena as worthy consumers of the greatest gift, the coolest gadget, the thing-that-my-nephew-must-have-this-year-or-else… this is the chance for consumers to “become individuals” as they and only they are handed that item by the friendly sales clerk while the chaotic mass of patrons behind them become a mere unworthy hoard of “non-chosen-ones”.
Black Friday allows Americans to prove their strength, to show that no terrorist can get in their way since they can single-handedly lug a 60 lb. TV set through a crowded big box retailer.
Black Friday gets people passionate, excited, motivated. It fires people up. Makes them want to do their best, succeed in their best, reach for the stars, and fight for what they love… Big Box retailers.
Black Friday is like an annual one-day long Barack Obama presidential campaign.
This is what its all about… the greatest conquest, the glory, the triumph of the American consumer…
…all so you can buy some bratty kid a new Tickle Me Elmo.
Culture is dead. We’re kind of doomed. Black Friday is too symbolic for me to handle right now, time for leftovers.
Here’s to good cheer and traditional holiday merriment (for the post-apocalyptic times of yesteryear and tomorrow).
(via cestnouveau)
Last-Minute Halloween Costume Planning Suggestions from FOX NEWS
The following last-minute Halloween-costume how-to guide legitimately comes from FOX NEWS.
Read the full article here: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,225758,00.html
8 Killer Do-It-Yourself Last-Minute Halloween Costumes
“Maybe you’re a Halloween humbug. Maybe you didn’t feel like shelling out a ton of dough for a costume this year. Or maybe you’re just plain lazy.
Now you have only a day or two to get something together before heading out for this weekend’s Fright Night fiestas.
Never fear … FOXNews.com is here to cover your lousy, cheapskate, procrastinating back.
(did they really just use “never fear” and “foxnews.com” in the same sentence? and did FOX NEWS just call me lousy/a cheapskate??)
Instead of trotting out one of the tired-old All Hallows Eveningwear standbys, like the omnipresent nerd, hippy, hobo or pimp, here are eight costumes you can throw together from the odds and ends lying around your house, or by spending just a few dollars at the corner store.
• Jump to a costume: iPod Commercial | Hershey’s Kiss | Clark Kent | Jellybeans | Mummy | Jellyfish | Spam Monster |Sudoku
But before you dive in, take a moment to read the five cardinal rules of picking a Halloween costume. Don’t say we didn’t warn you…
The Five Rules
1) Abstract Is for Paintings
Your costume should be easily identifiable. Your devastating rendition of “Global Warming,” “Carter Administration Secretary of Transportation Brock Adams” or “Symptoms of America’s Moral Decline” aren’t half as clever as you think they are. Don’t overthink it; nobody should have to ask you what your costume is.
(Because god forbid Fox News encourage Americans to do any intellectual thinking or be culturally relevant whatsoever)
2) Pockets, Zippers and Other Modern Conveniences
When you’re throwing a costume together in 15 minutes, it’s easy to forget the amenities built into our everyday clothing. Many a mummy has suited up only to realize there was a reason the Egyptians drained their bodily fluids into urns. Remember, ghosts can walk through walls, but people dressed as ghosts can end up holding their car keys all night. Plan ahead.
(But don’t apply the following suggestions to wars, the economy, the environment, etc.)
3) Sarcasm Is the Lowest Form of Wit (COUGH you are FOX NEWS… really??? COUGH)
Hanging a horseshoe around your neck and telling everybody that you’re a “Chick Magnet” wasn’t funny in 1972 and it’s not funny today. Don’t get us wrong, funny costumes are great, but leave the corny punchlines to Carrot Top and let your costume speak for itself.
4) Duct Tape Has 4,748,901 Uses (and Counting)
If your costume breaks in the field, duct tape can fix it. Wrap a couple of feet around a small pencil and slip it into your pocket (see rule No. 2). You will be glad you did.
5) Day of the Dead Decorum
If you wouldn’t want your mother or boss to see a picture of you in your costume, you probably shouldn’t wear it at all. Even though Halloween is a time for make-believe, real feelings can still get hurt. Dressing as a Nazi, Klansman, terrorist or pedophile priest is ill-advised at best. At worst, you could wake up in the ER.”
——
We apologize that this exists. Truly.
Halloween is the greatest time of year because… (Part Three: A Visual Experience)
This museum collection attempts to get us to understand today’s “trending” halloween costumes and the motives behind them.
In this third and more expansive installment, we explore the more meaningful side of halloween costuming (via Hannah Montana).
Being your favorite pop star (via Hannah Montana).
Being a tween when you’re only a tike (via Hannah Montana).
Being Leather Boots Barbie (via Hannah Montana).
“Going blonde” (via Hannah Montana).
Being a biker slut (via Hannah Montana).
Having a fashion emergency meltdown (via Hannah Montana).
Expressing your inner self aka “oh she’s just being Miley” (via Hannah Montana via Miley Cyrus)
Making Mommy proud (via Hannah Montana).
