God bless the iPad / iPad 2 / all resulting iPad-type devices.

(Source: lumos-maxima)

Art is Alive, but the opposite, but this is kinda beautiful.

Here lies a true Artifact of Modernity, some might just write this off as “Destruction of iPad”, we prefer to call it for what it really is, a piece titled “All Falls Down”.

Artist Anonymous

…is on your iPad.

That’s right boys and boys, step right up with your iPad in tow.  Go ahead and just toss your Viagra in the garbage.  No more need for that little blue pill!  Because as the greatest mantra of all time goes, “There’s an app for that.”  Enjoy the following article written by some Brit who reviews iPad apps:

If there’s two words we don’t want to see paired in the title of an iPad app, it’s ‘ejaculation’ and ‘HD’. (We at the Museum realize that many of our visitors respectfully disagree with whatever hogwash British journalist feels this way, but regardless…) Thankfully, Apple doesn’t allow that sort of thing.  Control Premature Ejaculation HD is a serious medical app that aims to help men who are a little too… enthusiastic in the sack.

The £2.99 app promises iPad users that it will teach them to “take control of your mind and body and become a great lover”, and it’s the work of British hypnotherapist Darren Marks. It’s all about learning how to relax and feel confident, competent and in control while between the sheets.

The app includes hypnosis sessions with audio to get you into a meditation state, and a selection of video animations to watch while listening. Which judging by the App Store screenshots, means fireplaces, waterfalls and trees. I should stress, the app is used when you’re NOT on the job - it’s not like you have to fire up your iPad in bed.

Premature ejaculation is something sufferers will often pay big money to try to cure. In that context, a £2.99 app should have men queuing up to splash out on it.  So to speak.

The Museum would like to apologize but also laugh at the fact of how British this article truly is… “should have men queuing up to splash out on it.”  Bloody priceless.

Coming soon to the Artifacts of Modernity Clothing Line: the iPad Display Case Shirt.

Now you can officially be the Teletubby you’ve always dreamed of being… 

We look forward to the day when people start walking around the streets with ArtofMod.com prominently displayed on their chests. 

thedailywhat has more on this masterful fashion breakthrough:

Things That Are All Too Real of the Day: On first look, the iPad Style Shirt appears to be not a single lick more than a regular heavyweight cotton tee with a dinky vinyl-screened pocket on the front intended for the completely unnecessary practice of intrusively broadcasting the contents of your iPad to the world. But wait!:

• “2 hidden port holes on the inside for headphones or charger.” (i.e. holes).
• “Internal supports distribute weight of iPad across the body to prevent shirt distortion.” (LOLWUT.)
• “Full mobility whether you are sitting down or walking.” (This was not at all a given!)

All this and so much less for only $50. May God have mercy on our souls.

The Museum is a proud supporter of these fairly compact paper products that have been around for a lot of years that contain lots of words that you can read… they’re called books or something.

And you can find them at your local, uhhh, iBookstore.  No thats not it, ummm, oh! library!  That’s it, your local library.  We’re not sure if your local community still has that, and by local community, we mean where you live, like in a house, not like your local Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Xanga community.

But seriously kids, reading books is cool!

Missy knows all too well… (does she though?)

I guess what we’re getting at here is:  Does this kind of in-your-face pro-library anti-Apple ‘cool posters’ marketing make you want to go read books?  Or does it just turn you off even more to a dying pre-2k10’s trend.

Are you down to “catch the reading bug”?  Or does this make you feel like you’re gonna get influenza / some creepy venereal disease / sexually transmitted infection if you go to the library in the hot summer months?

Does this HOT DAMN FIRE BLAZIN get your attention and make you wanna bury into a good book at the library?  Or are you, like we, just kind of scared and confused and frantically pacing around to find the nearest fire extinguisher?

Are you frantically running out your front door and into the car to get to your library ASAP so you can ‘get some’ in the middle of some bookstacks while simultaneously showering (?) with someone fairly attractive?  aka, Are you turned on right now?

Also, upon careful review, the Museum has come to the dynamic conclusion that these are, in fact, two people of what we believe to be the same gender.  And thus, is this a specific ploy to get the GLBTQWTF-community more excited about libraries?  Is this alienating the heterosexual book-lover population?  So many questions, so few answers.

Do you find yourself wanting to go to your local library more or less after seeing these anti-Kindle propaganda posters…

P.S. Bonus anti-iPad propaganda below:

(via fartdstfatrtsfarts)

Leave it to thedailywhat to deliver us more painful and evident truth.

Read more about the Museum’s take on the iPad here: Artifacts of Modernity - iPad

Remember paper? What a joke, right?

Remember sitting at home on the couch/ottoman/old leather bucket seat, relaxing with a martini and a good book?  What a flashback.

Remember books?

Remember those relatively thick things that had covers and then pages and pages of words and written stories and text and stuff?  Remember how you would have to squint at the words sometimes because they were too small?  Remember Barnes and Noble?  Remember actually having to buy yourself the books you wanted to read by going to a bookstore?  Remember Shakespeare and Company?  What a retro useless commodity.

Remember bookshelves?

Remember having to store all those books somewhere?  Remember having to come home from IKEA with pieces to a shelving unit, and having to construct that shelving unit, and then having to put your books on it?  Remember libraries?  What on earth were we thinking?!!

Remember “get togethers”?

Remember when friends or family would come over and you would whip out that big binder filled with all the 3x5 photos from your most recent vacation?  Remember how they would actually have to be in your physical presence in order to see all your happy pictures?  Remember how they’d crowd up your living room while you worried about whether Aunt Martha was going to eat all the dip before anyone else could have some?  Remember having to physically share things with people?  Remember having to verbally interact with others?  What a big old bother.

Remember newspapers?

Remember all those pages, all that folding and unfolding, all those little black letters and printed photos and ink, ohh, the ink??  Good riddance.

Remember play dates?

Remember when in order to have fun you actually had to “invite someone over” or get mom or dad to do it for you?  Remember when you had to physically move in order to play a game?  Remember “Red Rover Red Rover”?  What bullshit.

Remember DVD’s?

Remember when you actually had to buy or rent a DVD or, heaven forbid, a Video Cassette, in order to watch your favorite movies?  Remember having to “Insert” and “Eject” formatted objects that resembled CD’s or audio tapes on steroids into “Video/DVD Players”?  Remember Video/DVD storage racks and shelves?  Remember organizing a physical library of your movies, or of anything for that matter?  It’s all so ludicrous!

Remember Calendars and Date books?

Remember having to whip out that ugly calendar thing from your purse or backpack or briefcase to “write appointments down” so you would remember them?  Remember “penciling someone in”?  Remember adding extra squiggleys to your cursive when writing “Lunch with my boyfriend” in for your hypothetical Thursday afternoon?  Remember forgetting what date it was and needing to go find a calendar hung up somewhere?  That’s SO yesteryear.

Remember Address books and Rolodexes?

Remember when you had to remember your friends and family’s phone numbers, when you had to actually “write them down” and keep them in a “safe place” near the telephone?  Remember when the “S” pages would get filled up way faster than all the other pages because you knew too many Silverstein’s, Schwartz’s, Shapiro’s?  (We’re assuming that you are Jewish / associate with lots of Jews).  Oy gevault!

Remember Art?

Remember when you had to have an easel or a piece of paper or parchment or something physical to actually draw or paint on?  Remember when you painted too much blue in one corner of the canvas and that meant that it would more or less be permanently there?  Remember getting paint and marker and crayon shavings all over your fingers and clothes?  Remember getting MESSY??  What ridiculousness, utter and complete ridiculousness!!

(FYI Apple has announced that you will be able to buy brushes separately for this iPad Paint application, but seriously)

Remember when everything in existence was not merely a virtual representation of itself?

Remember objects?  I’m starting to only remember the iPad.

Remember reality?  What a farce.