Remember paper? What a joke, right?
Remember sitting at home on the couch/ottoman/old leather bucket seat, relaxing with a martini and a good book? What a flashback.
Remember books?
Remember those relatively thick things that had covers and then pages and pages of words and written stories and text and stuff? Remember how you would have to squint at the words sometimes because they were too small? Remember Barnes and Noble? Remember actually having to buy yourself the books you wanted to read by going to a bookstore? Remember Shakespeare and Company? What a retro useless commodity.
Remember bookshelves?
Remember having to store all those books somewhere? Remember having to come home from IKEA with pieces to a shelving unit, and having to construct that shelving unit, and then having to put your books on it? Remember libraries? What on earth were we thinking?!!
Remember “get togethers”?
Remember when friends or family would come over and you would whip out that big binder filled with all the 3x5 photos from your most recent vacation? Remember how they would actually have to be in your physical presence in order to see all your happy pictures? Remember how they’d crowd up your living room while you worried about whether Aunt Martha was going to eat all the dip before anyone else could have some? Remember having to physically share things with people? Remember having to verbally interact with others? What a big old bother.
Remember newspapers?
Remember all those pages, all that folding and unfolding, all those little black letters and printed photos and ink, ohh, the ink?? Good riddance.
Remember play dates?
Remember when in order to have fun you actually had to “invite someone over” or get mom or dad to do it for you? Remember when you had to physically move in order to play a game? Remember “Red Rover Red Rover”? What bullshit.
Remember DVD’s?
Remember when you actually had to buy or rent a DVD or, heaven forbid, a Video Cassette, in order to watch your favorite movies? Remember having to “Insert” and “Eject” formatted objects that resembled CD’s or audio tapes on steroids into “Video/DVD Players”? Remember Video/DVD storage racks and shelves? Remember organizing a physical library of your movies, or of anything for that matter? It’s all so ludicrous!
Remember Calendars and Date books?
Remember having to whip out that ugly calendar thing from your purse or backpack or briefcase to “write appointments down” so you would remember them? Remember “penciling someone in”? Remember adding extra squiggleys to your cursive when writing “Lunch with my boyfriend” in for your hypothetical Thursday afternoon? Remember forgetting what date it was and needing to go find a calendar hung up somewhere? That’s SO yesteryear.
Remember Address books and Rolodexes?
Remember when you had to remember your friends and family’s phone numbers, when you had to actually “write them down” and keep them in a “safe place” near the telephone? Remember when the “S” pages would get filled up way faster than all the other pages because you knew too many Silverstein’s, Schwartz’s, Shapiro’s? (We’re assuming that you are Jewish / associate with lots of Jews). Oy gevault!
Remember Art?
Remember when you had to have an easel or a piece of paper or parchment or something physical to actually draw or paint on? Remember when you painted too much blue in one corner of the canvas and that meant that it would more or less be permanently there? Remember getting paint and marker and crayon shavings all over your fingers and clothes? Remember getting MESSY?? What ridiculousness, utter and complete ridiculousness!!
(FYI Apple has announced that you will be able to buy brushes separately for this iPad Paint application, but seriously)
Remember when everything in existence was not merely a virtual representation of itself?
Remember objects? I’m starting to only remember the iPad.
Remember reality? What a farce.
