Now that the most wonderful horrific time of the year is drawing to a close, the Museum invites you on a guided tour of dopplegangers so you know who you can continue to be friends with, who you need to ditch, and whether you are a douche (spoiler: if you put up a doppleganger then you are). No flash photography please, let’s get started.

The “too soon” doppleganger

The “I think I’m a more attractive blonde white girl than I actually am” doppleganger

The “I think I’m classy despite putting up a doppleganger” doppleganger

The “I think I’m funnier than I am” doppleganger

The “Sorry Mom” doppleganger

The “where do I belong” doppleganger

The “I’m a post-op male to female transexual” doppleganger

The “I’m a post-op female to male” doppleganger

The “I’m in denial” doppleganger

The “I’m divorced but looking for companionship on facebook” doppleganger

the “not only am I trying to get my life back, but I’m also topical” doppleganger

The “i was hot in the 80s, now have three kids and a drinking problem” doppleganger

The “i was killed and all I got was my funeral during the superbowl halftime show” doppleganger

The “Yeah, I did meth” doppleganger

oh dopplegangers, you’re so silly

Sorry, you can only see the above photo if you log into Facebook Connect using your Facebook Gold™ Account.

Thank you The Daily What for supplying our social networking-run society with the greatest prank ever.  (Click here to read about it, if you’re still literate)

Remember paper? What a joke, right?

Remember sitting at home on the couch/ottoman/old leather bucket seat, relaxing with a martini and a good book?  What a flashback.

Remember books?

Remember those relatively thick things that had covers and then pages and pages of words and written stories and text and stuff?  Remember how you would have to squint at the words sometimes because they were too small?  Remember Barnes and Noble?  Remember actually having to buy yourself the books you wanted to read by going to a bookstore?  Remember Shakespeare and Company?  What a retro useless commodity.

Remember bookshelves?

Remember having to store all those books somewhere?  Remember having to come home from IKEA with pieces to a shelving unit, and having to construct that shelving unit, and then having to put your books on it?  Remember libraries?  What on earth were we thinking?!!

Remember “get togethers”?

Remember when friends or family would come over and you would whip out that big binder filled with all the 3x5 photos from your most recent vacation?  Remember how they would actually have to be in your physical presence in order to see all your happy pictures?  Remember how they’d crowd up your living room while you worried about whether Aunt Martha was going to eat all the dip before anyone else could have some?  Remember having to physically share things with people?  Remember having to verbally interact with others?  What a big old bother.

Remember newspapers?

Remember all those pages, all that folding and unfolding, all those little black letters and printed photos and ink, ohh, the ink??  Good riddance.

Remember play dates?

Remember when in order to have fun you actually had to “invite someone over” or get mom or dad to do it for you?  Remember when you had to physically move in order to play a game?  Remember “Red Rover Red Rover”?  What bullshit.

Remember DVD’s?

Remember when you actually had to buy or rent a DVD or, heaven forbid, a Video Cassette, in order to watch your favorite movies?  Remember having to “Insert” and “Eject” formatted objects that resembled CD’s or audio tapes on steroids into “Video/DVD Players”?  Remember Video/DVD storage racks and shelves?  Remember organizing a physical library of your movies, or of anything for that matter?  It’s all so ludicrous!

Remember Calendars and Date books?

Remember having to whip out that ugly calendar thing from your purse or backpack or briefcase to “write appointments down” so you would remember them?  Remember “penciling someone in”?  Remember adding extra squiggleys to your cursive when writing “Lunch with my boyfriend” in for your hypothetical Thursday afternoon?  Remember forgetting what date it was and needing to go find a calendar hung up somewhere?  That’s SO yesteryear.

Remember Address books and Rolodexes?

Remember when you had to remember your friends and family’s phone numbers, when you had to actually “write them down” and keep them in a “safe place” near the telephone?  Remember when the “S” pages would get filled up way faster than all the other pages because you knew too many Silverstein’s, Schwartz’s, Shapiro’s?  (We’re assuming that you are Jewish / associate with lots of Jews).  Oy gevault!

Remember Art?

Remember when you had to have an easel or a piece of paper or parchment or something physical to actually draw or paint on?  Remember when you painted too much blue in one corner of the canvas and that meant that it would more or less be permanently there?  Remember getting paint and marker and crayon shavings all over your fingers and clothes?  Remember getting MESSY??  What ridiculousness, utter and complete ridiculousness!!

(FYI Apple has announced that you will be able to buy brushes separately for this iPad Paint application, but seriously)

Remember when everything in existence was not merely a virtual representation of itself?

Remember objects?  I’m starting to only remember the iPad.

Remember reality?  What a farce.

Granted, I’m sure the animals down on FarmVille/ZooWorld are a lot easier to take care of, which is why hopefully Facebook will make us realize that the next step in technological progression should be that we aught to have virtual families instead.  Or relationships that solely exist over the internet.  Oh wait that already exists doesn’t it.  Well we’re halfway there!

Facebook Fugitive Craig Lynch Updates Facebook Status While British Cops Search in Vain

NEW YORK (CBS) British police can’t find escaped convict Craig Lynch, but search for him on Facebook and you’ll see that he has nearly 4,000 fans and an info box that says “Life is what you make it, live fast, die young!!!”

Lynch seems intent on doing just that. 

Back in September, the 28-year-old Facebook-friendly convict escaped the Hollesey Bay Prison, located in Suffolk, about 100 miles north of London. 

Though police can’t seem to figure out where he is, his Facebook friends get constant updates with Lynch describing everything from what he ate for dinner to who his first sexual conquest of 2010 will be, according to CNN. 

“mmm i just had a 12lb venison steak. Roasted veg and chips, bangin meal. I feel stuffed but still got room for the j.d’s . Hope you enjoyed the meal babe’s. We’ll have to eat here again,” Lynch wrote on his wall, CNN reported. 

The network says Lynch also wrote “Is thinkin, which lucky girl will be my first of 2010!!.” 

“We have spoken to Facebook and we are trying to trace him from the information we have,” Suffolk police spokesperson Anne-Marie Breach told CNN. “We’re also asking for help from members of the public.” 

Lynch was serving a seven-year prison term for aggravated burglary before his escape, according to the cable news network. 

“Obviously we’re taking what he’s saying on Facebook with a pinch of salt because he’s now aware that people may be reading what he’s writing,” Breach told CNN. 

Regardless, his nearly 4,000 fans are cheering him on. 

“Lol great job man, good luck from france,” reads a fan’s recent comment. 

Lynch’s most recent posting reads “nearly made it to christmas. merry christmas to the supporters x.” 

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Is it cool for this convict to use Facebook? Or should the social networking giant intervene?

Introducing a Twitter for Credit Card Purchases

“Philip Kaplan earned notoriety and profit a decade ago with a site that chronicled the implosion of the Internet bubble. Now he is back with a project that seems sure to get attention again: Blippy, a soon-to-start online social network that lets you share details of your credit purchases with friends or strangers.

—-

Currently in invitation-only beta testing and headed for a public introduction in 2010, Blippy reports your credit card purchases (for example, “Alice spent $47.60 at Macy’s”) to others, as if the transactions were tweets on Twitter or Facebook status updates.

Mr. Kaplan spoke about Blippy earlier this week. A condensed version of the conversation follows.

Q. Before we start — on Aug. 30, you tweeted: “Getting married. About to walk down aisle. Putting phone on vibrate.” Really?

A. Yes, that was true. I was about to walk down, and at the last moment I realized my phone was still on, so I tweeted that out real quick. My wife is also a fan of technology, so she appreciated it.

Q. So how does Blippy work?

A. The idea is that most Americans have two or three credit cards in their wallet. You sign one of them up to be the social card — it’s connected to the site. The other cards you keep private. If I use my public card at a Starbucks, for instance, all my friends know that I’m at the Starbucks, and they can come and see me, or whatever.

Q. And you wouldn’t need to announce that via Twitter — it just shows up online?

A. We call it passive sharing.

Q. But even on my public card, I’d control who sees what I’m buying?

A. You can make your account public or private, like on Twitter where you can protect your stream and only people you approve will see it. And it’s only going to show the charges you want it to show. Some people are only sharing their iTunes or Amazon purchases. The cool thing about iTunes and Amazon is that you can show the exact product that you’re buying, not just the amount.

Q. So you’re not going to sell me out when I buy a Wang Chung song online?

A. You won’t have to worry about any private information being sold.

Q. Talk about conspicuous consumption. This probably isn’t for everyone.

A. I guess you need to have the right temperament if you to want to blog and tweet and Facebook and all that. It’s just another way of saying, “Here’s what I’m doing,” or “Here’s where I am,” or “Here’s a band that I’m really into” — obviously, because I just bought five of their albums.

There are roughly 100 people using the site now, friends of ours. It’s going to be invite-only for a while. The best thing is the unintended coincidences that happen. My brother spent $4,000 at Crutchfield, an electronics store. I asked him what he bought, and he said a TV. I said: “I’m in the market for a TV. That looks a little expensive, but tell me about it.” He had done all this research — who knew? I wouldn’t have known which of my trusted friends to ask about it.

Q. Is this a Twitter app?

A. It’s not currently tied in with any other social network. It looks similar to Twitter but our data is structured. Unlike a Tweet or a Facebook status update, every “Blip” — as we’re calling them — is the same format, which is: “X spent Y dollars at Z.” You can click on the Z to see who else spent money at Z. Or you can click on the X to see what else that person is buying.”

As The Washington Post reported on Sunday: “ ‘Online recruiting has exponentially increased, with Facebook, YouTube and the increasing sophistication of people online,’ a high-ranking Department of Homeland Security official said. … ‘Increasingly, recruiters are taking less prominent roles in mosques and community centers because places like that are under scrutiny. So what these guys are doing is turning to the Internet,’ said Evan Kohlmann, a senior analyst with the U.S.-based NEFA Foundation, a private group that monitors extremist Web sites.”

You heard it here first kids, Osama bin Laden has his own youtube channel where he has tutorials on how to make jihad as well as how to do a smoky eye like Kim Kardashian.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij49ugSbl10

So is it safe to assume that all those guys who keep friending me due to my superhot prof pic are terrorists? Is this just another plot by karl rove/GWB/scientology to convice me that everytime I use facebook, I help a terrorist via the 2001 anti-drug campaign that said potheads were responsible for 9/11?

Terrorists are everywhere.  Even on myspace. So next time you get out that web cam, just know that the person on the other side of the computer you’re performing suggestive acts for may just be stealing your IP address to reroute flight paths.

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has denied being caught out by his own website’s revamped privacy settings after more than 300 pictures on his page were briefly left open to the public.

The website’s new settings allow users to open their profile to friends, friends of friends, or everyone who uses the social networking site.

The changes sparked claims by privacy groups that Facebook was trying to ‘trick’ its users into sharing more personal information than they normally would.

Mark Zuckerberg, 25, cuddles a teddy bear on a trip to Lake Tahoe in this photo published on his Facebook profile

Following the change on December 9, Zuckerberg’s profile was opened up, granting thousands of people access to shots of him partying with his fraternity brothers, having an office Star Wars joust with his girlfriend and lounging around with a teddy bear.

When these were picked up by a number of other websites the Facebook entrepreneur denied he had been caught out.

In a posting on his revamped page he says: ‘For those wondering, I set most of my content on my personal Facebook page to be open so people could see it.

‘I set some of my content to be more private, but I didn’t see a need to limit visibility of pics with my friends, family or my teddy bear :)’

However, he then changed his privacy settings so the photos were only available to friends.

In case this “online museum” didn’t make it clear enough that our society is horrifyingly screwed up, here’s another brilliant example that will surely depress you for a little while (via thedailywhat).

Standing at the alter, a mere moment after being pronounced married, Dana Hanna turned to his now-wife Tracy, leaned forward… and pulled out a mobile device so he could update his relationship status on Facebook. Oh, and also send out a quick tweet to let his followers know where he at.

Up Next: Ustreaming their wedding night.