Apocalypse: Soon presents…  Google Wave, which is in the last stages of development and will combine IM, email, word processor, wikipedia, CNN, blogging, and social networking. Original title was “fuckfest” though google wanted something more user friendly.

Google=Big Brother if Kanye West=John Galt?  Wow fast will the wave be able to update me on ballon boy and other meaningful entertainment “news”?

You know what was truly awful? (“What?!” screams the inspired audience members)  The days when we were forced to watch video cassettes on our VCR’s.  (“Booooo”, “Down with VCR’s!” shouts the crowd)  Whoever thought that VCR’s were a good idea was truly insane, truly.

Imagine still having to use Video Cassettes today… no bonus features, no “chapters” with horrifically clever titles to make us “better understand” the films we watch, no ability to stick the movie inside your computer to illegally copy it to your external hard drive to later make illegal burned copies to later sell on the streets of Caracas, Venezuela.

You know what else was truly awful? (“Tell me more!”)  The days when we were forced to watch DVD’s on our DVD players.  (“EW GROSS”, “LOLfest”, “DVD’s are the worst!”) Remember how annoying it was to get all of your old CD’s and new DVD’s mixed up in the same pile because they just looked so similar?

Imagine still having to be plagued with accidentally sticking that Billy Joel greatest hits CD in your DVD player when all you wanted was to watch that bootlegged version of ‘Collateral Damage’. Imagine having to deal with all of those scratches that would always get all over the DVD, so your movie would always skip to the next chapter right as Nemo was just about to finally escape from the fishtank at the dentist’s office.

But fear not America and minor outlying nations, those wretched days of despair and worthlessness are over!  For we have finally dawned upon a new day… the day of the BLU-RAY.  Hail Mary!  For a while, we were all nervous about the brewing war between Blu-Ray and HD-DVD, but now we finally have a victor!  The epic battle between red disks vs. blue disks, high-def vs. blue lasers, good vs. evil has finally ceased.

And we finally have a piece of movie-watching technology that suits our needs!  Now we can finally get even more bonus features than we could possibly handle before.  Now we can finally get the high-definition quality out of our that us Americans so badly deserve.  Remember how horrible the quality of the picture was on DVD’s?  Thank god that’s over.  And re-releases of your favorite films and TV shows on Blu-Ray are hitting more and more WalMart cases and Amazon.com virtual sales shelves every day.  Now I can finally experience all the little details of Requiem for a Dream now that it’s been re-released on BLU-RAY.  The action and adventure scenes are much more colorful and alive now.

Questions for the exhibition viewers:   What film are you most excited to see re-released on Blu-Ray?   Which Disney cartoon favorite of yours will instantly become “more alive than ever before!” thanks to the power of Blu-Ray?   Will the all new interactiveness of Blu-Ray’s special features stretch your imagination so far and wide that you’ll actually be convinced that you were in the movie you just watched?   What do you think will be the most “game-changing” bonus feature offered on the eventually-coming Seinfeld Season 3 Special Edition Blu-Ray?